How to Shut up a Compulsive Speaker at Work
You call Zoom or gather around the conference table and, again , one particular coworker intervenes with the incoherent, self-confident monologue that dominates the conversation. Despite their best efforts to keep the discussion going, this person gradually engulfs the discussion, over and over again, exposing everyone to a wandering stream of consciousness, which is (as usual) not innovative.
This is a classic example of a compulsive speaker – someone who lacks the ability to control what they say and when they say it. Talking to one of these people in the workplace can create an unpleasant dilemma, especially when you are the one who has to tell them to calm down.
What is compulsive conversation?
A more colloquial and harsh definition would be someone who does not know how to shut up, constantly causes an avalanche of verbal diarrhea, and is otherwise unable to read around the room. Of course, there is a scientific term for this type of ailment: “chatterbox”, which was coined by psychologists James K. McCrosky and Virginia P. Richmond in 1995. There is even a diagnostic test to gauge where on the talker scale one would fall, although engaging in such a scheme requires at least some semblance of self-awareness that is usually fleeting for most talkers.
When it comes to compulsive chatterboxes in the workplace, there are several defining characteristics that will be familiar to anyone who has had to endure their unrelenting tendency to talk. Psychologists Shoba Srinivasan and Linda E. Weinberger wrote for Psychology Today last year about some of the characteristics of a compulsive speaker in the workplace, according to a 2006 study .
They noted the following behavior:
- Ignoring verbal and non-verbal signals from colleagues to stop talking.
- Continuous monologues / dominant conversations.
- Repetition of the same stories to the same colleagues.
- Lack of interest in work topics or the interests of colleagues.
This can be an extremely frustrating problem, especially if it comes from someone below you in the workplace hierarchy who tends to dominate discussions while ignoring their real job responsibilities.
How to deal with a compulsive conversation partner at work
Workplace advice columnist Alison Greene recently went out of her way to advise someone in an unenviable position to deal with the blabbermouth who dominates team meetings, necessarily every time they happen. While Greene is a master of job advice, she hasn’t been able to convey what the beleaguered manager hasn’t tried yet.
However, the manager’s attempts to influence their speaking employee is a great example of what you should do if you’ve ever found yourself in this position. So, here are some ways to tell the compulsive person to stop talking unless it’s really necessary or helpful.
Be frank and direct
If you’ve tried your best to behave well and pamper your speaking coworker, you can move on to having a frank and direct conversation. Tell them that they shouldn’t speak in group settings unless they are being spoken to directly so the meeting doesn’t get confused. Tell them why their verbal attack is negatively affecting things.
Take the conversation away from them
Interlocutors tend to wander verbally, throwing the conversation out of the way. What you can do is seize power by referring directly to it and explicitly changing conversational gears. Simple: “Josh, let’s stop there; I think we’re getting off topic – let’s get back to the discussion of invoices … ”should be enough to give a convincing hint that they’ve gone too far.
Impose rules
It might be rude, but in reality, some compulsive talkers really don’t hold back. Perhaps make the microphone mute policy mandatory if you are in a video call, or impose some other structure in which multiple people can have a meeting and then open it up for wider discussion. This will help make sure you have time to talk about the most important points before they have a chance to take you off topic.
Show compassion
Sometimes talkers won’t quit smoking because they’re hiding a deeper, underlying problem or insecurity. If you think this might be the case, try sitting down with them and asking if anything is happening that might affect their behavior at work. Being able to reflect on changes in their behavior can be the nudge they need to start holding back their talkativeness.
Of course, all this can fail you, in which case more severe disciplinary action may be required. But I hope it won’t come to that.