Don’t Say Things Like That at Work Unless You Want to Sound Old AF
First, being a “senior employee” (40+) is good, good, even great. We have years of work and real life experience that we can apply to any job. If you belong to this group, you may not care if you look or speak differently than your age. In this case, go ahead.
But if you really care about looking old hazy, then what’s next is for you. Even if we are not talking “back to my days” using precise changes or talking about joint stiffness, there are more subtle signals that appear out of reach. Here are a few classic gestures to avoid that can make us seem like the oldest bruch around.
Having an AOL email address
AOL is OG. It was Internet access back in the late 90s. This is why we must all get rid of this ancient address. It’s the same with Hotmail, Netscape and Earthlink. All dinosaurs. To paraphrase TikTok: If you don’t use Gmail, where the hell are you?
Using two spaces after a period
If you want everyone to know that you learned to print before computers came along, this is the right way. This is a holdover from the monospaced typewriter era, which required extra space to clearly indicate when the next sentence begins (and as a way to save space and money when printing newspapers – remember?) Now we’re using proportionally spaced fonts. , and by “now” we mean from the last millennium.
Let’s call this a PowerPoint “presentation”
Yes Yes. PowerPoint is a presentation program. These slides are designed for presentation purposes. But now it is called a “deck”.
Using email instead of Slack (or commands)
Sometimes email makes sense. When submitting large attachments, documents for review, HR policies, or things you might come back to often, such as vacation schedules. But if we just ask for an extension, reschedule a one-on-one meeting, or say “got it”? Nobody needs email for this.
Makes fun of social media
Have you ever said “on TikTok”, “on the Tweeeterverse” or “I can’t keep up with what kids are doing these days”? While you cannot use social media, understating its power sounds inappropriate. Meet the major players: Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, Snapchat and YouTube, as well as some of the most popular content creators who are changing the direction of brand entertainment and marketing. Notice that we haven’t included Facebook on this list? Speaking of …
Link to Facebook
If need be, we can still be on Facebook to keep up with old friends or post cute photos so that Memories will show them back to us next year. But we will not tell anyone about this. This should remain our dirty little secret.
Lack of Venmo
Imagine having a Super Bowl pool, a team lunch, or a group collection of baby shower gifts. And someone asks: do you have Paypal? What’s your Zelle? Don’t be that guy. People don’t want to check multiple apps and accounts to make sure they get reimbursed. Just take Venmo. (And yes, we know that PayPal owns Venmo, the Cash App is on the rise, and Apple Pay will one day rule the world. However, Venmo is the most used right now ).
Leave real voicemail
Why make a person listen to a long chat full of polite chatter, uhhhhh, tangents and aspirated pauses when we can send a seven-word direct message that will save everyone time? Call me about the Peterson report. Thank you.
Using old office jargon
Please do not use the words “photocopier”, “stewardess”, “memo”, “photocopy” or “fax”. Is always. If you feel the banality of “thinking outside the box” or “nut soup” pressing them to your lips, you should swallow them whole.
Making outdated cultural links
Have you ever said that you are more Carrie than Miranda? Let me slip, just how interested you were in Pam and Jim’s relationship? Don’t dismiss cultural references 15 years ago when your peers might have been in fifth grade. Seinfeld’s cultural significance may be reborn now that he has appeared on Netflix, but maybe not. It is a comedy about neurotic, self-centered white people of the decade, which children now call “the late 1900s.” (Sorry. We’re in pain too.)
Using too many emojis
We don’t care what anyone says, you can snatch crying laughter from our cold dead hands. (It’s better than LOL, which everyone here still uses today, even though it’s been around since 1989.) But adding emoji to every Slack message or more than one makes us look … not a sprite. We are all adults here. We don’t need to put the skull after anything that we hope will come across as funny. (Talking to myself here.)
Makes fun of his age
Innocuous phrases like, “ I’m meeting myself,” “It was before your time,” or anything that subtly mentions how long we’ve been around, can do more harm than good. It may sound light-hearted and good-natured, but even joking comments indicate shyness and remind everyone that we drank in our 40s.