How to Discourage Children’s Bedtime Tactics
The scene is familiar: the parent says, “Okay, kids …” and before they can say, “… it’s time to go to bed,” boom : just as reliably as death and taxes, the breakdown tactic works. in high gear.
There is no reason young children won’t go to bedtime. They will invent all sorts of urges, itching, unquenchable thirst, mysterious leg pains and other artificial ailments to triumph for the ultimate victory: control over your one precious hour of overeating Ted Lasso before you fall into a coma in your own bed.
They are masters and will uncover skills and techniques you never knew existed in order to achieve victory. But there are ways to take over the stall – or at least make it work for you. (This list is not exhaustive – how could it be? – but this is just the beginning.)
Start early (and include stopping in the routine)
Child development experts rarely agree on anything, but the idea that a child needs a routine seems to be unanimous. If you find that the ripping technique is delaying bedtime by another 30 or 45 minutes, start early and incorporate this tactic into your routine. If they are constantly whimpering over too much water, put a cup or bottle of water by their bed (to avoid spilling water). Time budget for the seemingly endless game “Say X when I kissed that cheek, and say Y when I kissed the other cheek” (including time to mend because you ’ll be doing it wrong).
Expect and agree that last minute breakdowns will be found due to the inability to find [insert a random, previously ignored, suddenly needed toy]. And we can offer to sing quietly. It will take longer than I think, and it’s okay for myself before it starts to calm and prepare your mind for the difficult task ahead.
(Of course, there is always the danger that tactics will sense impending demise and evolve into new varieties. But hopefully not.) For more tips on age-to-age treatment patterns, see here .
First cover all non-negotiable
Many parenting experts believe that rewarding children undermines intrinsic motivation . But in our home, the only way anyone has ever put on a brace or been exposed to the evil of brushing their teeth is if we rewarded them with what they valued most in life: a show before bed.
Use whatever prize your child has the most before bed – reading books, being able to pick more than one book, tickling – and let them know they won’t have time to do this unless they are ready for X. The tricky part is making sure that is followed (and how to deal with the consequences). If you often threaten to take him away, but never do, they will understand that you are bluffing and continue their shenanigans.
Keep calm and try not to rush them.
This is pretty standard advice and is difficult to follow. No one likes to be rushed, all the more suddenly. Be sure to honestly warn your children about what awaits them. It helps give them a countdown – 30 minutes, 15 minutes, 5 minutes – to communicate the upcoming transition so that it is easier for them to accept and process.
To do this, give them a short, reasonable amount of time to finish whatever they are doing. Don’t just curl up and bark, “Time to sleep! Let’s go to. Take it all away. ” From an adult’s perspective, how would we feel if we were on the cusp of completing a task and someone told us to stop immediately before we reached our natural endpoint? Probably angry, powerless, controlled and ready to rumble. We need to avoid doing the same with our kids, unless we want an epic battle before bedtime to begin.
Try a checklist (or sticker sheet)
Not sure about you, but what I always do first I see . No reminder on my desk? Well, that doesn’t happen today. It’s the same with children. Using tools that help kids visualize their tasks and progress can be a great motivator. Try jotting down everything before bed on a checklist (photos of classes are great, but not necessary if they can read). You certainly can do it with their hands, or check out a lot of options for Amazon .
The world of parenting advice is divided over whether (and for what behavior) reward tables should be used, but when it comes to getting stubborn and / or multiple kids to bed on time, sometimes the power of the almighty sticker should be looked at. You can give a sticker for each task before bed individually or give one when all the tasks before bed are completed. When they collect a certain number of stickers, they can choose from several pre-purchased items from the Dollar Store. Note. Some parents need stickers not so much for work before going to bed, but as a sign to stay in bed after lights out. If your child needs help the most, stick it away. (Also, consider using a “ night pass ” to give the kids a better sense of control.)
Use timer
Until the age of 6 or 7, most children have no idea how time works. Hell, my first grader thinks he goes to 60 Hundred and Seven Hours every day. Although they know that five minutes is something hazy, their duration becomes clearer when they can see or hear it. The timer can be used in several ways: either set, 10 minutes for pajamas and brushing your teeth, 15 minutes for books, 5-10 minutes for hugs and random chat, or set a visual timer for one serving time to get it all done. The faster they cook, the more time they will have for books and snacks.
In a parenting group on Facebook, one commenter suggested making kids go to bed earlier – or extend them – by how long (or not) they procrastinate. If they are ready by 8, they may stay awake for another 15 minutes. If they spend 15 minutes walking in their underwear on their heads to entertain their siblings, then the next night they will sleep at 7:45.
When all else fails, walk away
This may not be a psychologically approved approach, but if you have the next level, a future debate team captain holding you hostage in his script room, you have to follow verbatim, nonsensical questions (“Mom, are your legs open?” ) And their breakfast order the next day, sometimes the only way to go is to leave. Not in an angry or punishing manner, but simply in an apartment like “I’m going to sleep, bye.” Blow kisses and fight. They can cry, they can cry. And the next night, they’ll likely let you get away with half a fight.