Don’t Embarrass People (and What Does That Say About You When You Do)
Most of us have found ourselves in different situations, whether at work or with friends. And looking at you with the expectation that you will give an answer that you simply are not ready to give – whether it is because you don’t know or simply aren’t ready to share yet – this is a nightmare. -inducing situation.
We have all been to blame for putting others in difficulties ourselves, usually by accident. Perhaps we asked a sensitive question to a friend in a group setting, tried to nudge a quiet colleague to share their answers in a meeting, or we just didn’t like someone and wanted to make him cringe a little.
However, putting someone in a quandary, whether on purpose or not, will erode the trust in the relationship. According to Susan Krauss Whitbourne , emeritus professor of psychological and brain sciences at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst, the key to maintaining trust in a relationship is developing your emotional intelligence, a key part of which is the ability to determine and predict how others Feel. As Krauss wrote in a recent Psychology Today article , “The sign that you’re not as sensitive as you might be when you put pressure on people is that others are trying to stay as far away from you as possible.”
Emotional intelligence is the ability to sense the emotions of others.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to sense and appreciate the emotions of others , as well as to control your own. An emotionally intelligent person is someone who can sense the emotions of others, using this knowledge to help in a situation, while maintaining steady control over their emotions.
When it comes to maintaining trust in a relationship, it requires a certain level of emotional intelligence at which you can sense if the other person might be feeling insecure about something, as well as knowing how to calm them down. We all know what makes us feel awkward or insecure, but we don’t always know what makes others feel the same as everyone is a little different.
To avoid accidentally embarrassing someone, it’s helpful to remember their emotions in case we accidentally bump into one of their insecure sides.
Emotional intelligence can be enhanced
There is some debate about whether emotional intelligence is an innate or an acquired characteristic. Are people born with the ability to develop high levels of emotional intelligence, or have they been taught that?
While the answer is probably a little bit of both, strengthening your emotional intelligence is definitely something we can all do. Many of us become more emotionally intelligent as we get older, while listening and empathizing with others, as well as thinking, can often help us understand a situation that would otherwise be confusing.
The process of strengthening our emotional intelligence through listening, empathy, and reflection is a tactic that many of us have developed over time, whether with the help of a professional or through our own trial and error.
Research shows this tactic can be effective.
As Krauss notes in his article, additional research has emerged recently suggesting some additional tactics that may help as well. As you probably guessed, studying emotional intelligence is not an easy task, as it is an ephemeral trait that is quite difficult to quantify and test. However, in a recent study, researchers evaluated the strength and methods of a number of studies to identify those with the most evidence to support their effectiveness. Here are two methods we can use on our own to strengthen our emotional intelligence.
Evaluate emotions by watching a video without sound
As Krauss notes, this exercise may provide some useful information for our personal benefit. As she recommends for this particular exercise ,
“[Make] a recording or broadcast of a movie or TV show that includes close-ups of the actors (ie, not an action movie). Play the video alone without sound and see if you can understand the emotions of the actors. Watch the scene again with the sound on and compare your assumptions with the emotions the actors say they are experiencing. “
While watching this video, it is helpful to record your perception so that you can compare your initial experience with what the sound will later show.
Evaluate emotions from photos
This particular exercise is a little easier, but at the same time more individual for your situation. Krauss recommends looking at pictures of people you follow on social media without looking at the captions. Looking at the photograph, try to guess what emotions they are experiencing, simply by their facial expressions, which then compare to what they wrote about the experience. Sometimes there will be a difference.
As Krauss notes , “Someone who looks scared while driving to an amusement park might actually write that she’s having a great time and enjoying every minute of it.” If you notice such a discrepancy, it could mean that your initial impression of facial expression was wrong, or it could signal a situation where someone felt too uncomfortable to speak openly.
For example, if you made a friend ride a roller coaster with you without realizing that they are too embarrassed to admit they are afraid of heights, this is a situation in which a little emotional intelligence can go a long way in maintaining a friendship.