When You Should Turn Gray Daffodils in Your Life
Sometimes, when an emotionally manipulative person is trying to create drama, you can offer a response that is commensurate with their behavior. Plus, you really need to think about the opposite: that is, act like you have nothing to offer in terms of interaction, and stay as calm as a lake on a calm day.
Truly manipulative people, as well as people with narcissistic personality disorder , are driven by conflict and chaos. To rob them of their battlefire of its true vitality, consider the “gray wobble”, which, yes, implies that you will act as if you are unremarkable, like a stone.
What is a gray rocking chair?
A gray rocking chair implies as uninteresting behavior as possible in order to distract from potential conflict. This is not exactly the same as composure, although at first glance it may seem that it is. After all, emotional containment is something that is completely unfounded when it happens, while the gray rock method is almost a form of survival.
As told Healthline therapist Ellen Biros: “This strategy involves the transformation into the most boring and uninteresting person you can be in contact with a person prone to manipulation.”
In itself, this is not completely ignoring the other person, but rather emotional detachment to the point that the person’s manipulative behavior switches to you. This may not be a necessary practice for most people, but it is especially applicable to survivors of domestic violence who have to come into contact with their abuser.
Therapist Shannon Thomas told Insider that rock-boring play robs a person of the conflict they provoke, or at least suggests that you can’t offer exciting chaos.
She explained:
The gray rock technique removes the drama from interaction in the hope that the toxic person will look elsewhere for their drug addiction in order to create tension for their entertainment.
It sounds simple enough, but “being boring” may not be the easiest and most straightforward instruction to follow, so it helps you get familiar with how to use the gray stone technique.
How to light someone gray
The key is to be evasive and disconnected, but without completely ignoring the other person. Most questions should be answered with vague, monosyllabic answers. Eye contact is discouraged as you don’t want this person to have any inclination to get you ready to play the game. To stay focused, especially if the person repeatedly tries to get your attention, try another distraction. This can include looking at your phone or reading a book – basically anything that doesn’t feed the other person’s urge for confirmation.
You also need to keep your communication short. This is what applies more easily to people who, for example, have to interact with bullies or manipulative ex-partners. Here you can make your communication short and your responses short.
Healthline also recommends texting as often as possible if you absolutely need to communicate with the person you’re trying to persuade by writing:
E-mail or phone calls can work well here, as it avoids lengthy interactions that can be stressful and make it difficult to maintain a gray stone façade. But the gray rocking chair is suitable for any type of communication.
The Graystone Method is a form of damage control and a worthwhile tactic to try if you ever feel like you need to.