What Is the Best Way for Me to Give Birth to a Child Who Is at Risk for a Mental Disorder?
One of the topics that readers most often ask me to write about is anxiety and mental health – both ours and ours. This week’s parenting question reflects a common “what-if” parenting concern:
My son is only two years old, but I am very worried. Both sides of our family suffer from mental illness (and I have depression and anxiety), so I’m worried that either A) he will be diagnosed with some kind of diagnosis – and then how can I help him with that, or B) he will be ‘normal’ ” But my anxiety and depression will be the behavior that he mimics or accepts.
How can I navigate this?
To begin with, I want to say that you are not alone and your fears are understandable. There are tons of people right now reading your question and nodding emphatically with you. And that opinion was immediately echoed by Barbara Greenberg, a clinical psychologist specializing in adolescent care , when I got her opinion on your question. The first thing she said in response was: “Let’s applaud this [parent] who takes the initiative; it’s a really wonderful thing that [they] are doing, and I just wanted to confirm [their] fears. “
You’re right; Mental illness often has a genetic component, and a history of mental illness on both sides of his family is likely to increase your son’s risk of developing a mental disorder. So let’s first answer your question “A”: if he is diagnosed with a medical condition, how can you help him cope with it?
Of course, you hope to never see your child suffer from a mental disorder, but if he does, you will help him cope with it in the same way you would help him cope with a chronic medical condition, learning disability or any other fundamentally difficult medical condition. … overcoming obstacles that he may face in his life. That is, with love, support and all the best doctors, specialists and resources you can find. If he is diagnosed with a mental disorder, you will find out for yourself, and you – along with the specialists in your corner – will be his support and guidance.
For starters, Greenberg recommends focusing on doing your best to create the most welcoming and relaxing atmosphere in your home. the child is in an unstable … family situation. “
However, one vital and challenging component of what you are dealing with is trying to resist the assumption that he will have a mental illness. It would be easy (and understandable) to start looking at many of his behaviors through a mental health lens and come to conclusions that aren’t necessarily accurate. To avoid this, Greenberg offers training that is appropriate for each age as your son grows up.
“[They] can consult with [their] pediatrician if [they] think something is a problem or not appropriate for development,” she says. “Most young children do have trouble regulating their emotions, so [they] need to know when to step in.”
Now for part B of your question: What if your child does not have a mental disorder, but he “mimics or adopts” the anxiety and depression symptoms he sees in your home? Greenberg and I agreed that the best way to avoid his negative behavior is to model what self-care can and should look like. In other words, make self-care your top priority. Caring for your son’s parent is also a form of caring for him.
And the last thing to be aware of is the language you use about mental health, especially when your son is young and still understands who he is and how he fits into the world. People tend to be “labellers,” collecting labels that define ourselves and others, and these labels can influence what we believe to be true about ourselves. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk to our kids about age-appropriate mental health and mental illness, but we can focus on doing it in a way that empowers them, Greenberg says.
“Kids need an expanded vocabulary,” she tells me. “Instead of saying something like, ‘I’m worried about the situation,’ you can say something like, ‘I’ll be brave here.’
It’s a subtle change, but it focuses less on negative feelings and more on the skills or coping strategies you have at your disposal.
Do you have a parenting dilemma? Send your questions to mwalbert@lifehacker.com with “Parental Advisory” in the subject line, and I’ll try to answer them here.