How Parents Can Combat Gender Stereotypes
Parents have many reasons to fight traditional gender stereotypes. We want our girls to pursue careers in STEM, we want our boys to feel comfortable expressing sadness or fear, and we also don’t want to assume that their external gender is their internal gender identity.
But as our country tackles the prevalence of sexual violence, as highlighted repeatedly by the #MeToo movement, there is another reason to actively avoid adhering to traditional gender stereotypes: by adolescence, these stereotypes can begin to fuel sexual violence. The Washington Post reports :
Studies have shown that, compared to other adolescent boys, those who support strong gender stereotypes – for example, it is natural for boys to want to admire girls and that girls must use their looks and bodies to attract men – are more likely to have sex. comments and grabs the bodies of the girls. This is in part because in adolescence, male stereotypes begin to include ideals of male dominance, aggression, and sexual callousness, while female ideals begin to focus on sexuality and attractiveness.
Our focus on gender begins innocently enough with gender revealing parties, Daddy’s Little Princess T-shirts for girls, and truck-filled trash cans for younger boys. But that continues as kids get older and begin to understand how gender-specific toys are sold, how boys are encouraged to play sports, and girls are encouraged to practice ballet or music.
Children receive their cues from us and the world around them, and these cues help them begin to classify themselves and others. We cannot avoid all of this, but there are some things that parents can do, especially when our children are young, to influence how much they agree with these norms.
Your words matter
Here’s a simple option: When talking about your child and other children, swap “girls” and “boys”, whenever possible, to “children,” “friends,” or “students.” To consistently classify children by gender is to exaggerate it.
This does not mean that you should never acknowledge gender or even point out when you see or hear something that reinforces stereotypes; you should. You might say something like, “Hmm, I’m wondering why all the scientists in this story are boys,” which might make them think critically about how gender roles are portrayed in books and shows. And when they bring home stereotypes from school – “pink for girls” or “dinosaurs for boys” – ask them if they can think of reasons why this might not be true. You might ask, “Don’t you know boys who like pink?” or “Well, your cousin Emma loves dinosaurs and she’s not a boy.”
By questioning these stereotypes at home, you help them develop skills to question them in the world as well. As they get older, talk to them about sexism in the same way you talk to them about racism so that, as the Post notes , they don’t draw their own conclusions:
Without any knowledge of gender discrimination, children are more likely to attribute the hierarchical differences they see in society, such as the fact that we never had a female president, to innate differences between the sexes. Many will think that women were not elected because they are bad leaders or do not want to be president.
While we’re adjusting the way we talk about gender, let’s also get rid of the word tomboy. A girl who prefers shorts and trousers to dresses is athletic, does not particularly like dolls, but loves to climb trees – just a girl with such preferences. She doesn’t need to be identified or labeled by how much of a “boy” these things make her.
Plan a game together
This happens innocently enough – your little girl and another little girl in preschool become inseparable. You like the other girl’s parents and frequent play begins. And this is great! But especially when they are very small and not yet fully gender-segregated during recess, you should encourage cross-gender interactions.
Arrange games on the playground with the boys and girls from this preschool class. Invite all the neighborhood kids to play after school, or enroll your kids in sports or clubs together. Then, when they get older and a couple of girls want to play kickball with the boys at recess, it won’t matter that much.
Get to know them where they are
If your daughter loves princess dresses – the fuller and brighter, the better – no big deal! If your son lives and breathes trains, no problem! It’s not about distracting them from things in which they have a natural interest and which are traditionally related to their gender. As Whit Honea of Dads 4 Change says in this video for The Atlantic , they have to be themselves.
I’m not saying, “Oh, you can never talk to your girls about rabbits if they like rabbits; you can only talk to them about science. ” Meet them where they are, and it’s the same with boys. I am by no means saying that it is wrong for children to accept what they like just because it falls on one side or the other; it just doesn’t have to be sanctioned by us.
As with everything else, children mostly adopt what their parents model for them, so the division of household chores and responsibilities based more on what each partner likes to do or is good at, rather than traditional gender roles, is a good example. kit.