Don’t Be the “answer Guy”
When I first started writing online (for the now defunct xoJane), my comment and mention sections on Twitter were mostly filled with wonderful, responsive women and non-binary people. From time to time, an angry man would appear in my inbox, but writing about food for a women’s website meant that I didn’t have much to do with men on the Internet as they didn’t read what I wrote.
Things are different now. My audience shifted towards the cis-, hetero-masculine end of the spectrum, which is inherently good, but there was a noticeable difference in my overall social media experience. Most noticeable is the presence of the guy who answered.
In Chloe Brian’s Mashable article “ The Curse of the Replacing Guy on Twitter, ” she describes the “guys in charge of replies” as “all too familiar” men who reply to women’s tweets like it’s their job, adding their own ideas, no matter the topic. … (One weird type of response I usually get is drawing attention to my work from another, more influential man by publicly asking for his blessing and / or criticism.) If you’re a woman with a Twitter account, you probably have at least one The Q&A guy has a duty to give feedback on every tweet you post, and you probably have some feelings about that. Brian goes on to explain the different types of answers – there are nine! – and spends some time discussing how to deal with them. She stops at mute or blocking, but in my experience this can quickly turn into a shitty mole kick game.
Since this is a male problem, the responsibility for ending this quasi-benevolent sexist nonsense should lie with men . (Of course, non-males can act shitty on the Internet, but even my most interactive and non-binary female followers have never responded with the consistency and consistency of who is in charge.) The guys in charge of the responses are not necessarily malicious. nor are they explicit trolls, so it is reasonable to assume that they would like to interact with women in a way that does not annoy, threaten, or intimidate.
How do you know if you are answering? A quick and easy test is to test yourself and see how you are feeling at the moment. Do you empathize with women on the Internet and the “feedback” they receive on a daily basis? Great, you probably aren’t answering. Are you feeling hurt, embarrassed, or mildly attacked? You may be the guy who answers, but you probably don’t want to be. Are you mad at me, think this is all part of the job, and have a strong urge to do without my mentions? Perhaps talk to a friend (or therapist) at the IRL about this and consider why it is so important to constantly comment on, supplement, or criticize the work women are doing in this world, and why you think that someone you do not know personally is owes you a response.
This is not about you dude
A guy answering questions, in its simplest form, is someone who answers in hopes of getting attention, usually talking about himself. Instead of consuming, appreciating, and (possibly) retweeting content, they should relate it to their life, experience and worldview – they should make small edits, even if they are not part of the editing process.
On a small scale, answering is not bad, and as a Leo and an Internet person, I also struggle with the urge to do everything about me, add my two cents and participate in a conversation that no one asked me to. part. The internet is a great place to exchange ideas and start discussions, but if you do it over and over with one particular non-man, know that you are draining him. Like dying from a bunch of paper cuts, these tiny micro-criticisms and demands for attention are annoying (at best) and intimidating (at worst). (You shouldn’t do this to anyone, regardless of gender, but the internal power dynamics of a capitalist, patriarchal society makes it much easier for men to fire, block, or otherwise deal with other men online without fear of retaliation.)
Criticism can be constructive, helpful, and delivered with the best of intentions, but it is rarely needed. If you are criticizing because of some paternalistic desire to “help them become better and succeed,” understand that you are saying that you think the original work is flawed or of poor quality. If you really think so, you might want to look for other authors you think are more experienced or experienced, or create something yourself. (Also, if you feel like you’re “doing them a favor” by reading and / or sharing their content, pause and consider how patronizing that sounds.)
Why am I on Twitter at all?
This is a great question. Why are any of us on this awful site? While I’m not contractually obligated to tweet, I find it to be a good networking tool, an easy way to keep up with nutritional trends (which I write about) and an important part of online media organization (which I really like).
Some of you may feel that women who are annoyed, tired, or vaguely threatened by answering guys are just too sensitive, but sensitivity is good, and steel emotional resistance is not and should not be a requirement for creating content for the Internet, which is where most of the content is now living. Also, I think we should stop pretending that non-males are the highest when it comes to internet sensibility. (One word: Gillette.)
Things can be tricky because while some people surf the Internet, some people use it purely for fun, which can create a really weird work environment for the former. Women, like everyone else, deserve to use every resource available to promote their work, and the least you can do for online women whose work you love is to make this weird work environment a little less weird.
I really didn’t want to write this
As I get closer to the end of this article, an anxiety knot begins to form in my stomach. I’m worried about the health of my inbox in the next couple of days, gets mentioned on my Twitter, and insult the feelings of my (mostly great) male followers. Although I love men (very much!), Many unpleasant events make me fearful, and sometimes outright fearful of interacting with them both online and in real life. (Obviously, this is not unique to me, and it is precisely the fact that he is not unique that does it, as the children said “the thing.”)
Women should not shrink their worlds so as not to hurt the feelings of men, and being online is not an invitation to use a woman as a source of emotional labor. Can I disable or block my answer guys as Brian suggests? Yes, but it can be difficult, both internally and externally. Despite the fact that this is my timeline, and I am free to choose it according to my mood, I – like most women – was raised “good”, and I feel guilty for blocking people who are nothing did to “deserve it” (for example, threaten my life or call me “dumb bitch”). In addition, there is always the fear that the despised man will become vindictive.
Fortunately, it’s easy not to answer questions – all you have to do is not obsessively reply to one person on Twitter, demand no attention, or force someone to work just with you. If you find yourself answering one person multiple times a day and don’t know him personally, consider calling back. If you find yourself typing “don’t be this guy …” stop what you are doing and don’t be that guy. If you feel neglected or offended by the fact that the internet person did not respond to your compliment, question or criticism, keep in mind that no one pays them to tweet, this is not part of their job, they may not even have seen your tweet, and the tiny demands on tiny bits of emotional labor still take labor . Keeping someone you like working online is good, and simply tweeting or retweeting articles, artwork, or project links without expecting to be praised or emphasized on it is the best option. support.