How to Say No to a Second Date
I’m very good at giving up on second dates, mainly because I go on first dates so often. There are times when we both admit that there is no spark and go our separate ways; there are times when I am rejected; and statistically, there are quite a few people who want to try again, even though we have literally zero chemistry.
I was attached to myself by people I truly liked, so I made it my personal rule to never leave anyone in limbo. If someone likes me enough to ask me out again, I’ll try to always answer so they don’t wonder what happened. This is how I do it.
Make no very clear
In our passive world of texting dating, there is a tendency to just hope someone will take a hint. People will wait a long time for an answer, they will say: “Sorry, I was busy!” not offering a window of free time, otherwise they will declare that they would like to chat again, but will never continue. Do not do it.
Perhaps your fan should just understand that you don’t like them and that you have no intention of ever seeing them again, but it’s unfair to maintain that little glimmer of hope. Let’s be honest: a lot of times people don’t say no, in part because they want to keep the door open just in case. It sucks. Cut the line and release them. If you really want them that badly in the future, you should contact them, not they will check them every few months.
Tell me what you liked about them
Text messages make it much easier to review your words. If someone asks you out on a second date in person and you don’t know what to say, tell them that you will text them later. Then email them later and shortly as mentioned in my previous paragraph.
I try to always say what I thought was cool and enjoyable about them; for the most part, even if I don’t like someone, they are still a versatile person. They talked about something interesting, they bought me coffee, they met me in my area. Saying “You were really interesting and I loved talking to you about beekeeping” or “Thank you for taking the time to meet me” before you say “No” is a little sugar to help the medicine.
Tell me why you don’t like it
This is the tricky part; there are a huge number of reasons why we are not attracted to people. They can go from arbitrariness to offensive. In my experience, it is best to point out something fairly neutral but true. This gives them a reason why it doesn’t sound deeply personal, but makes sense as a breach of the terms of the deal.
What you can list is usually very simple – like telling someone that you don’t think you have enough common interests to support long-term dates. What can they say to this? You have your interests, they have theirs. Another specific example: I once told someone that I didn’t think we would be sexually compatible because he spent most of our date explaining that he was into sadism. Sorry! But good luck!
People want to complete more than a dissertation, so just say, “You [] and [], and it was great to meet you, but I don’t feel the romantic chemistry I need when dating. Thank you for meeting me. “
Stick to the classics
If you don’t feel like you can get personal, don’t avoid clichés. Saying you’re not looking for the same thing is popular for a reason; it is a staple of tender disappointment. It’s just that people don’t use it that much these days because they’d rather have their first dates hanging out in romantic purgatory.
While I prefer to be honest, I think it’s also okay to use old favorites like “I need to take a dating break” or “I’m not really ready to date,” even if you’re just not interested in dating. If they contact you in the future and get turned down again, that’s exactly what they should expect – you told them you didn’t want to date.
When it comes to security, say whatever you want
All of these tips depend on the fact that you are an intelligent person on a date. If this is not the case or you do not feel safe in their company (especially in person), say whatever you need to say. Safety comes first. But if you just don’t like someone, don’t leave them in limbo.