What You Need to Know About Kids and Fake Weapons
My daughter recently told me a rule of thumb for playing with an imaginary gun in her preschool: “You can shoot someone. But first you have to ask them if this is okay. And they have to say yes. “
That’s all. She continued to eat the waffles. I had more questions.
The conversation about whether parents should worry about their kids playing with an imaginary or toy pistol is hardly new – the New York Times published the headline ” Toy Weapons: Are They Affected by Aggression?” “In 1988, and even then they came back to it as an old debate ? But this will continue because children (especially boys) love toy weapons and real weapons continue to kill innocent people. Parents watch the horrific news that 17 people have died in Parkland, Florida, and then watch their child aiming a Lego pistol at their teddy bear and want to know, need to know: is there any correlation?
Let’s start with a premise that I’m sure any seasoned teacher of young children will confirm: pretending to play with a gun is developmentally normal. “Kids make guns out of crackers, toast and fingers,” says Sylvia, my daughter’s preschool director, when I ask her what she thinks. “They are the props for a dramatic play. These children are exploring the issues of power because they are at the age when they realize that they do not have it. People tell them when to go to bed, when to get up, when to go to school. They try to understand, “What is my strength?”
Game fights are good for your health . They are said to help children learn self-control, compassion, and boundaries. Sylvia tells me that playing with an imaginary weapon is “quite comfortable” compared to other wrestling and knightly duels with swords made from sticks. She likes it if, as my daughter told me, the shooter has the shooter’s consent. “We want to give children the opportunity to say, ‘No. Don’t shoot me. I don’t like it, ”she says. “This is a joint game. We do not prohibit this. When you do something forbidden, it only makes people do it even more. “
Here’s what parents of young children need to know about gun play:
- Yes, gender plays a role. Michael Thompson, co-author of Raising Cain: Protecting Boys’ Emotional Lives , tells PBS that “boys in all cultures around the world struggle more, scoff more at fighting, and are attracted to themes of power and domination.” Scientists don’t know exactly why boys tend to be more aggressive than girls, but some believe it’s because they are predisposed to higher levels of activity due to androgens (male hormones) in the womb.
- No, real violence does not come from playing with imaginary weapons. At my daughter’s school, Sylvia says that teachers do pay attention to signs of real aggression, such as when children try to pinch or throw something at someone with the intention of hurting them. This behavior is unacceptable. Watch the kids as they play with imaginary weapons – does one kid constantly shoot bad guys and never switch roles with others? Is everyone laughing and having fun, or are there kids who seem upset? Step in if you feel something is wrong.
- Media and marketing influence the way children play and this should be considered. Authors Nancy Carlsson-Page and Diane Levin, in their book Who’s Betting? a certain combat hero or villain invented by adults actually undermines the potential value of the war game. Children imitate what they see on their screens, rather than create scenarios based on their own imaginations. So it might be worth considering before giving your kid the Nerf Star Wars Captain Phasma Blaster.
- Talk to the children about what real weapons do. Be appropriate for the child’s age and sensitivity level. Here’s our guide on how to talk to kids about mass shootings . Confirm that you are happy by pretending that the weapon is just pretending “because a real shot will really hurt.” Explain (and keep reminding them) that they should never touch a real gun if they accidentally see it and should tell an adult immediately.
My daughter’s preschool teacher, Sylvia, tells me that guns are just one of the pillars in a vast role-playing arena: “Kids shoot each other and then they stop,” she says. But what if they don’t? It’s one thing to be a preschooler shooting a friend with a pretzel – is it another if the child continues to love guns as they get older, perhaps to the level of obsession? There has been a lot of research done on the broad topic of guns and violence in video games and the possible link to actual gun violence, but no clear conclusions . The American Academy of Pediatrics urges parents to check game ratings, such as those published by Common Sense Media , and to know that games that focus on killing others are “not good for any kids.”
And, as I said Sylvia, parents should definitely pay attention to what your child seems to be an obsession, because it will give you a clue to his inner life. “If there’s someone who is trying to portray themselves as a bad guy and continues to do so, you have to say, ‘There is something going on here,” she says. “If they enjoy making people uncomfortable and behaving unkindly, then they may have been alienated in the past. This man had a bad story and someone should have paid more attention. “