How to Help a Child Who Has Difficulty Getting Through the Transition Period
The transition from one activity to the next can be difficult, even for adults. This is especially difficult for children when there is a transition from something enjoyable (like playing or watching TV!) To something less desirable (like leaving a fun place or doing housework). When my son was a toddler, he had a really hard time being dropped and picked up from preschool. He cried or resisted leaving by refusing to sit in the car seat.
“Kids live in the moment — they don’t think about how to eat or go to bed on time,” explains Dylan Gold, assistant professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at NYU Langone Health. “They think you’re ripping them off.” But preparation can make the transitions easier. Here are some ways to help your children move on to the next activity.
Expect crises and prepare
Dr. Gold says parents can look at their children’s past behavior to understand situations that a child may have difficulty getting in or out of, such as when they leave the playground or are thrown into kindergarten. If possible, try to spend more time with yourself in these situations. If you can anticipate and anticipate problems with the system in place, things will probably go smoother. With my son in preschool, I started giving him time to run randomly with friends or let him sit with me to read a book before heading home.
Tell them when it’s time to go – and know
To reinforce the transitions, use direct verbal cues such as “We have to leave in five minutes” or “We need to put on our shoes now.” Whitney Waugh, a clinical instructor in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at NYU Langone Health, tells me that parents shouldn’t just shout it from another room – instead, say it directly to their children by looking into their eyes and even squatting. down to meet them at eye level. (This technique was also included in The Happiest Baby in the House , which I found invaluable when my son was young.) Songs can help, too. Daniel Tiger from the children’s show “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood” sings the words “It’s time to stop, so pick another activity.” It is catchy, and children remember it.
You can verbally praise the children as they prepare for the next activity (“Wow, you are doing great putting on the clothes!”), Or you can try to make the transition more fun (perhaps by talking about an activity like brushing your teeth, “almost as a sports commentator, ”says Dr. Gold).
Break down processes into smaller tasks
A process like getting ready for school involves many tasks (eating breakfast, brushing teeth, putting on clothes, tying shoes) that can be tedious for young children. Rather than giving kids instructions at a “fast pace”, says Dr. Waugh, parents should slow him down by completing the task at a time, allowing them to process each one. It will be easier for children to fulfill requests and move from one place or activity to another.
Use visual effects
Showing children a list of tasks to complete each morning or night can help them get used to a consistent routine. They can turn to him and know exactly what will happen next. On other occasions, such as when they leave the playground, parents can use visual aids such as an hourglass or stopwatch (or a timer on a smartphone) to confirm that the activity will end soon.
Give them an item of comfort
If you find it difficult for your child to quit, you may find it useful to use a transitional object, such as a stuffed animal or favorite toy. In young children, this allows them to maintain a sense of comfort and consistency.
Try the rewards
A friend of mine introduced me to the idea of offering visiting children who don’t want to leave their dates a “prize” – a little toy like the one you find in gift bags – to take with them when they receive their shoes and jackets and ready to go. This trick has prevented or stopped many accidents in my house. Parents can also use reward tables to reinforce positive behavior.
Stay calm during public crises
Of course, almost every parent was in a public place with a child who was nervous about having to leave. In such cases, try to remain calm and breathe deeply. “Be the best parent you can be at this moment,” says Dr. Waugh. If possible, try to separate your child from other people. Resist, acknowledge the child’s feelings and confidently move them on to the next task.