I Despise Dogs, but My Fiancee Loves Them
You have problems, I have advice. This tip does not contain powdered sugar – in fact, it does not contain sugar and can even be slightly bitter. Welcome to Tough Love .
This week we have a man who hates dogs and marries a woman who loves dogs. It will be a ruff (sorry).
Mind you, I am not a therapist or any other healthcare professional, but just a guy who is willing to talk about it the way it is. I just want to give you the tools you need to enrich your damn life. If for any reason you don’t like my advice, feel free to file a formal complaint here . So let’s get on with it.
Hi Patrick, please help:
My fiancee and I have a problem we had to solve before we got engaged. If we don’t address this issue, our marriage and relationship will end.
I hate dogs and she loves dogs.
Many years ago I was injured by dogs. I hate being around dogs, much less living with them. She loves dogs and refuses to give up her two dogs. She says I need therapy to get rid of my dog hate and I say that she needs therapy to get rid of dog addiction. We love each other and sincerely want to resolve this issue.
What do you suggest we do?
Wrong tree
Hello wrong tree :
Yes, I’m going to confirm that you should definitely have solved this problem beforehand. Is this really something that never came up before you asked the question? I mean, I assume you knew she had dogs. Probably someone licked your face when you were on one knee. What was the plan here, the wrong tree? Would you suggest that she immediately agree to ditch her puppies? Pets are generally considered family by most people, so this is a big question.
That said, there must be a way to compromise. If you’ve been traumatized by a dog incident, your wife-to-be should understand and respect that. So if you haven’t already, tell her in detail what happened to you and explain how all dogs make you feel about it now. It is vital that you express your discomfort, not hate it. It may be true, but just saying you hate them won’t make her understand. In your mind, all the dogs remind you of what happened, but in her mind, her dogs are different, so everything should be different. For example, if I say to someone, “I hate cake,” they’ll just say, “What? How could you hate cake? Here, try this. This one is really good. ” But if I tell them the story of how my cousin choked on some cake and then died in front of my eyes, so I can never see the cake without thinking about the big lifeless eyes of my cousin … they might understand a little better. … Will you follow through?
Of course, you need to understand and respect her side as well. You thought, “Let’s get married, but you’ll have to leave your kids.” It’s not the same thing, but if she’s one of those crazy dog lovers that’s pretty much it. And, for the record, “The Wrong Tree”, having two dogs is not “dog addiction”, so no therapy is required on her part. As I understand it, you have a problem and you expect her to give it up in order to explain it. This is not the best way to get started. Marriage is union, partnership, team; so you need to find a way to meet her halfway here.
Give her a deal: you will honestly try therapy if she agrees to keep the dogs somewhere else while you work on your problems. After that, you can reevaluate the situation. Maybe you can find a way to live with them if you don’t have to interact with them (they can’t sleep in your room, they need to be outside during the evening, she takes over all the responsibilities of caring for them). them, etc.). Regardless, I would recommend talking to a marriage counselor about this. With them it will be much easier to find a middle ground. It doesn’t have to be what destroys an otherwise loving relationship, damn it!
Regards, feline man
That’s all for this week, but I still have a lot of frank and honest advice. Tell me what is bothering you? Does work upset you? Are you having problems with a friend or colleague? Is your love life going through rough times? Do you just feel lost in life, as if you have no direction? Tell me, maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel warm and misty inside, but sometimes you need tough love. Ask a question in the comments below or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page ( please include “TIP” in the subject line ). Or tweet me with #ToughLove ! Also, DO NOT WRITE TO ME IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR INQUIRY HAS BEEN REMOVED . I don’t have time to answer everyone for fun. “Until next time, figure it out yourself.