Why Children Should Not Be Forced to Hug Relatives
When Girl Scouts reminded parents ahead of the holiday that their daughters shouldn’t hug anyone, even on holidays, it was taken as a sign of (dark) times. “At a time when the news covers issues of sexual harassment and consent,” CNN began its storyline . Reactions on Twitter also made a connection:
But it didn’t come to that. It has been like that for a long time – there is nothing new in the advice and solution of the problem. More importantly, this advice is not a reaction to the news. It is about teaching children the importance of consent and empowering them to speak out in defense of their own needs and desires, which is an evergreen lesson.
Girl Scout Development Psychologist Dr. Andrea Bastiani Archibald said in her post for Girl Scouts, “The lessons girls learn at a young age about setting physical boundaries and expecting them to be respected for life.” This applies to children of all genders. It lays the foundation for a strong understanding of consent and can affect the child’s relationship with her body – by telling her that she is in control of who she is hugging, you are also telling her that her body is hers and not to serve others. the senses. It has to do with consent, but also with body image.
Ensuring your child’s bodily autonomy is not just an investment in their future strength and safety. Dr. Archibald adds: “Unfortunately, we know that some adults prey on children, and teaching your daughter early consent can help her understand her rights, know when lines cross, and when to ask you for help.” (Again, this applies to children of all genders.) It’s important to remind your child that he can say no to physical contact, even from a loved one.
The opposite reaction to this kind of advice (which I will not refer to because sending messages against consent is harmful nonsense) is based on the idea that parents need to teach their children good manners and that children should listen to their parents. But nobody says you can’t tell your child, “Go and say hello to grandpa” or “Thank your aunt for her gift.” After all, physical intimacy isn’t the only way adults show love and gratitude towards other adults!
There are many alternatives. Maybe your child likes giving an A better than hugging – that’s all! You can always ask your child: “Do you want to hug grandma?” This may require a solution to your grandma’s frustration, but you can always just send this article to her. A 2015 CNN article contains a parenting line: “I want you to hug your grandma, but I won’t force you to do it.” (The title of this article, “I Don’t Own My Child’s Body,” is also a good reminder.)
There is a line between polite social interaction and physical contact, and this is an important lesson to be taught early and often. Holidays are a great opportunity.