How Not to Celebrate Thanksgiving
As for Thanksgiving, I did everything: I made my own food, including handmade tofurka, pumpkin muffins, six vegetable side dishes, and pies. I suffered from the gustatory humiliations of a Midwest turkey dinner where everything was covered in cream and bacon – and yet! – still had no taste. I celebrated with expats in Spain and cooked taro instead of mashed potatoes on the Big Island of Hawaii. I only ate a Mexican fiesta with my partner, got drunk at a Friendsgiving party when I was single, and a few years ago I had such a nasty fight with my boyfriend’s family that I had to leave the table.
I also had a lot of lovely Thanksgiving with my grandparents who raised me – my Manhattan-born and raised grandmother made tons of spicy pumpkin pie (ginger four times!), Garlic humos, giant green salad, and seasoned lamb – what could be better? – a lot of garlic.
One thing I didn’t try a couple of years ago? Doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving at all. Now I am enjoying this day immensely because I am attentive and relaxed. I do not adhere to other people’s ideas about what this day should be: here’s how and why I gave up turkey (and tofyurki) forever, and you can too:
Be cozy, be quiet
Late November is the time of year when all you need is to chill out in cute house clothes at home. This is an achievable goal. Rather than dressing up for Thanksgiving dinner and hauling myself around town or country, I dress for a serious time on the couch. You do yoga in your pajamas, eat pancakes for dinner, view back copies of The New Yorker, or seriously play with your kitten (ambiguity implied!). You don’t have to go anywhere or do anything, and nothing happens there either (except for those who work on holidays, and for that, I’m sorry). For most of us, this is a really free day: enjoy it!
Without filling (myself)
I love to eat and all that, but ritual over-consumption, synonymous with Thanksgiving, is hell. Call me crazy, but stuffing my stomach so much that I feel terribly nauseous for hours afterwards is not my idea of a good time. But it’s not a limitation — I’m not here for that! It’s about savoring what you really love: if you love a special Thanksgiving dinner (mine is homemade cranberry sauce with orange peel), you can eat it anytime before, after, or during the holiday. ! I make a serving of cranberry sauce and enjoy it as if it were a leftover from Thanksgiving dinner, usually with buttered toast for breakfast or a scoop of vanilla ice cream. I still enjoy my favorite seasonal foods, even though I’m not stuffed with them.
Stay put
Flights the day before Thanksgiving is a special hell. I also drove a dozen hours, endured crowded trains, and spent too much time on the subway commuting to and from Thanksgiving. In short: it sucks. For what? A dinner with loved ones that can happen almost any other time? Being in a certain place for a “holiday” is a kind of modern torture that we have come to terms with. Why? If you want to see friends or family for good food, there are literally hundreds of other days for that – days when everyone else is out of the way / in the sky / on the tracks. If you need to girdle your loins to travel on Thanksgiving, seriously consider making a plan to see someone some other time. A time when you don’t have to put your life in danger on roads filled with half-drunk drivers and elderly people who only get behind the wheel a few times a year. The time when public transport is not packed with boiling crowds ready to strike at anyone, after several hours of silence in the presence of aggressive relatives.
Don’t worry about how to conduct “political” conversations
If the thought of abstaining from “political” conversation at the dinner table on Thanksgiving for the second year in a row gives you a knot in your stomach, just say no. The truth is that this is no longer “politics”, it is our life, the lives of those we care about, and the health and happiness of those who are least threatened these days. Thanksgiving dinner shouldn’t involve coming up with ways to deflect insults against you or those you love just because they expected it. You can love your loved ones without smiling through your teeth, just live to see dessert without shouting.
Find yourself more grateful
By avoiding Thanksgiving, I’m not coping with the stress of family or friends, traffic or travel, cooking for a large group or pretending I don’t like the food, I don’t drink too much, and then figure out when I’m sober enough to drive. A good day off when most people are busy is a great thing to do, and I enjoy every minute of it. It is quiet, relaxed, and I am restoring sleep and sanity. And for that I am very grateful!
The lack of a Thanksgiving celebration reduced my holiday stress to almost zero. I am relaxed and, in turn, much more cheerful and joyful for the rest of the holiday season. Folk’s cute Baby’s First Thanksgiving photos and Martha Stewart’s pretty spreads are now something to delight: from afar, in my pajamas, eating pancakes, I can truly enjoy the holiday.
If you’ve never enjoyed Thanksgiving *, if it’s stressful and tough, take a year out and try it. You can always come back next year if you decide you don’t want to live without him! Remember, vacation is not required when you become an adult. Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean you should. But beware, it’s so great to skip the holidays that next time you can abandon the frenzy of Christmas.
* You do not have to be an opponent of Thanksgiving in order not to celebrate it; I don’t hate Thanksgiving like Cher,Mayim Bialik or Angelina Jolie (who reportedly takes her kids on vacation outside the US during the holidays), I’m just not interested. I’m not here to suggest to everyone who loves the holiday not to go out of their way to cook, eat, or hang out with my family if that jam is just not mine. Imagine a wonderful world in which everyone makes decisions based on what’s right for them rather than what others expect – whether it’s having babies, celebrating Thanksgiving, or watching Game of Thrones.