When Should You Share Pregnancy News?
The generally accepted recommendation when sharing pregnancy news is that you should wait until the grand celebrations of 12 or 13 weeks, the endpoint of the most troubling first trimester when most miscarriages are diagnosed . In fact, the rule is: don’t worry too much. But what if you do have a miscarriage? You were left alone to cope with your tragedy, a tragedy for which you did nothing, and one that many others have experienced.
A growing movement called #IHadAMiscarriage is committed to sharing the news of your pregnancy early – if that’s what you want. Launched by Los Angeles psychologist Jessica Zucker, a social media campaign (to which free reproductions of art like the one above were recently added) aims to break the stigma and shame surrounding pregnancy and infant loss by encouraging women to create their support systems during these early periods. weeks when everything seems so fragile.
“We’re focusing on the centuries-old notion that women should wait to share pregnancy news until they ‘get out of the woods’ after their first trimester,” Zucker tells me. “Basically, this recommendation means:“ Don’t share good news if it gets bad, so you don’t have to share bad news. ” We need to rethink this concept of sharing our news in order to increase support for women during pregnancy, regardless of the outcome. ”
Zucker believes that in order to “destroy the culture of silent grief,” parents-to-be must be provided with statistics on miscarriages, stillbirths and infant loss, and then given the freedom to decide who to tell and when. When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I was like a balloon with a tiny hole, gradually relaying the news to my sister shortly after I urinated on a stick, my immediate family, shortly thereafter, my boss about seven weeks, close friends about 10 weeks and the Facebook universe is about 14 weeks. This kind of schedule just worked for me and my husband.
Zucker makes it clear that the move isn’t about calling people to stand on rooftops and wave their positive pregnancy tests in the air like they just don’t care. “It’s important to think about who you would like to see in this inner circle, in your tribe,” she says. There are many factors to consider before deciding when to break the news. Ask yourself these questions about:
Your friends: Do you trust this person? As Brené Brown says, “You share with the people who deserve to hear your story.”
Your manager and HR: What is the culture of your company? Do you think there will be any unconscious bias against new parents? (If yes, can you wait to share the news until later in the pregnancy?) Do you have any occupational exposures that are unsafe for pregnancy ?
Your social media friends: Are you ready for an onslaught of attention and (often unsolicited) parenting advice?
And then share – if you see fit. Zucker says that in this chapter of her campaign, she wants people to be able to “enjoy joy, even if that joy can turn into sorrow.”
When did you share the news of your pregnancy?