Why You Should Never Send This Dick
You have problems, I have advice. This tip does not contain powdered sugar – in fact, it does not contain sugar and can even be slightly bitter. Welcome to Tough Love .
This week we have a guy who almost caught the girl of his dreams – if not for those wacky sex he sent …
Mind you, I am not a therapist or any other healthcare professional, but just a guy who is willing to talk about it the way it is. I just want to give you the tools you need to enrich your damn life. If for any reason you don’t like my advice, feel free to file a formal complaint here . So let’s get on with it.
Hi, Patrick,
I think I was lucky enough to rub your page. I really need some advice, so here it is:
I was best friends with this girl – she means the whole world to me. [She] and I helped each other in our relationship, but my relationship unfortunately ended … she had a big fight with her boyfriend, called me and said that he told her to spite that he would pay for her to move to to me . Well, we talked on the phone that night, and in the end, we both completely shed all our feelings for each other. Then it got to the point where we talked about never seeing each other’s bodies, and she told me that she wanted this, “Oh, how long ago.” I sent her some sexual photos.
Now, after the pictures, they blocked me. So my question is basically this: Have I ruined this amazing ideal friendship by sharing my feelings with her? Was it a mistake? Or do you think she might find a way to contact me?
She only has Facebook, so I know that she reads my messages trying to reach them, and is often online. I don’t know, maybe her boyfriend saw the pictures and blocked me, or I just screwed up. We spent over eight years knowing absolutely everything about each other. I really don’t know what to do now. This is the friend I love so much, but I can’t handle losing contact with her. I know that mostly I enjoy her life. I do not know. Please help dude.
Sincerely,
Dick pickington
Hi Dick Pickington:
Wipe my page? Please don’t rub my things. Thank you.
Anyway, I think you fucked up like a king here with a dog, man. It was okay to reveal your feelings because you both did. It really sounds cute, like a bad rom-com scene. The mistake was sending her “sexy pictures” because you thought she was giving you some. So, using your story as an example, here’s why sending a picture of a member is almost always a bad idea:
- Worst-case scenario (which probably did): You kill any romantic, flirtatious atmosphere and she says “Damn it?” Or “my God …” in a bad way. When she said these words about wanting to see your body during “Oh, bye …” (ha, okay), she probably meant it flirtatiously to create tension when you finally meet in person. After being in such a shitty relationship with her almost ex-boyfriend, she wants something real. There is nothing cute or romantic about a photo of your penis, which is why she blocks you feeling frustrated.
- Best-case scenario: she says, “Wow!” and sends you something sexy in return. But then, if you ever get together, the mystery will completely disappear … How interesting.
But wait, there is a secret third option …
- Embarrassing scenario: Her boyfriend sees pictures, makes her block you, and then laughs at how you try to be sexy in selfies. Probably joking about the size of your cock. Besides, now there are photos of your junk.
As you can see, it’s not worth it. Sexting can be hot for established couples, if both of you are passionate about such things, but otherwise just do not do it. Use your words. Let it be a surprise. And you know what? Even if she explicitly asked for a close-up shot of your leading man, this is the perfect opportunity to tease her a little . Send a photo of a member and maybe get a photo back. Send a message like “You’ll have to come and see for yourself,” and your new romance can be truly started.
And now I’m going to make an example of you, Mr. Pickington, especially for this ridiculous line:
“I know it’s mostly the joy in her life.”
What?! No no. Bad Dick Pickington! I’d hit you on the nose with a newspaper if I could. Not only is it incredibly vain for you to believe this, but how could you know? Like, even if she told you this , it’s probably not true. It seems that in your imagination this girl is some kind of girl in trouble, locked in a terrible castle, who is waiting for you to save her from some monster. But you know what? She is not Princess Peach, her boyfriend is not Bowser, and you are not Mario. Life is harder than this acid journey. And Mario doesn’t send Peach a photo of his mushroom.
I believe you guys have been very close friends. And I even believe that you both had feelings for each other. But you are not now or ever her only chance for happiness. You are not her savior. You had a wonderful friendship that gradually grew into a budding yet challenging romance, and then you challenged her to give her what you thought she wanted: a crappy photo of your crotch. But what she really wanted was something that brought you guys closer together: someone who knew her well and someone who cared deeply about her. It is also likely someone who would like to end up being close in person .
At this point, apologize if you didn’t (even if she doesn’t see it) and move on. Don’t chase her on Facebook or try to find other ways to contact her. If she ever wants to reunite with you, she will. But now everything is on her. Oh, and don’t send people any more pictures of your genitals, Dick Pickington. This is clearly not the magical love potion you were thinking of.
That’s all for this week, but I still have a lot of frank and honest advice. Tell me what is bothering you? Does work upset you? Are you having problems with a friend or colleague? Is your love life going through rough times? Do you just feel lost in life, as if you have no direction? Tell me, maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel warm and misty inside, but sometimes you need tough love. Ask a question in the comments below or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page ( please include “TIP” in the subject line ). Or tweet me with #ToughLove ! “Until next time, figure it out yourself.