Four Ways to Deal With an Indulgent Coworker
We are not always successful in working with people who have mastered the nuances of communication in the workplace. You may not be able to change the behavior of others, but you can at least learn to deal effectively with them in order to minimize the impact and suffering on you, your self-confidence and your work.
This post was originally published on the Muse website .
I recently received a call from a marketing firm to inquire about my business. They wanted me to sign up for their services, which included an online forum for creating and selling classes based on my content. A young marketing specialist explained all the features and benefits to me. Among them was a commitment to helping create social media posts, he explained, asking me in a rather condescending tone , “Do you know what social media is, Lee?” Could he have been more patronizing or less informed about his potential buyer?
Maybe you know a coworker who uses verbal punches like this on a regular basis. This type of passive-aggressive behavior is designed to put you in your place, even if it is often disguised as reasonable or friendly. Think of it as embellished antagonism.
Patronizing people speak down to you. Their goal is to feel superior at your expense, making you feel humiliated and inferior. You need a good game plan to defend against this behavior, otherwise your self-confidence will suffer greatly.
Try one of these strategies to keep your cool and not sink into the abuser.
1. Don’t take it personally
First of all, as they say, keep calm and carry on. If you take things personally, you will feel like this person is attacking you, and, in turn, you activate the fear reaction mechanism in your brain.
When this happens, you tend to make less clear and logical decisions and resort to more emotional ones . Remember, this person can provoke you. And if you let her, say, lash out to protect herself and tell her what a jerk she is, you’re just playing into her hands. Be calm, positive, and never underestimate the power of kindness in a negative situation.
2. Call them
You can solve the problem of bad behavior in the office by letting people know when you don’t like their actions. Calmly and professionally summon a patronizing person without staging or dramatizing, emphatically but politely, “Gee, this comment sounded a little condescending to me. Does the mind drop attitude? “Hopefully he takes the opportunity to redo it.
If you feel defensive and think you can react emotionally, it’s best to leave and not deal with the person right now. You might say something like, “When you’re ready to speak to me in a less condescending tone, I’ll be at my desk.” This gives you the opportunity to breathe, relax, and collect your thoughts before talking to the person again.
3. Neutralize your body language
Assuming an annoying coworker is trying to provoke you, it’s best to respond as neutral as possible. This means that you must maintain positive body language and not hostile expressions. Don’t point fingers, roll your eyes, invade a person’s privacy, or cross your arms. These are signals that tell her she’s done it – if in fact she was trying to piss you off.
Do your best to be calm and neutral. Stand up straight, take your space, do not back down on the attack, and hold on – both physically and mentally.
4. Ask for clarification
Some coworkers may come from a different culture in the workplace, or become accustomed to talking to others in a certain way that they do not feel is inappropriate. Your co-worker who asks if you understand your boss’s note in a tone that you deem blameworthy? He can be literally ignorant, completely unaware of how he offended you. If your coworker has other recognizable good character traits, and the occasional appearance of such rudeness is rare, you can focus on the context of what he is saying, rather than tone.
If necessary, ask for clarification. You could say something like, “I want to make sure that we are on the same wavelength, and what you are saying now confuses me. I understand [what your colleague is lenient about], what else am I missing? “
Depending on how comfortable you are with this coworker, you can tell him how you (and possibly others) perceive the message by tone of voice. He can appreciate attention. Remember that other people’s behavior is always more related to them than to you. An excerpt from Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom explains this idea well: “What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you will not become a victim of unnecessary suffering. ”
4 Better Ways To Deal With An Indulgent Colleague Than To Decrease His Level | Muse