A Guide for Women on How to Learn to Love Masturbation
Many women who practice my sex therapy complain that they don’t like to masturbate. I’m a big believer in masturbation, and I’ve seen how it can make a difference in women’s lives by making them more enjoyable, more orgasmic, more confident and more enjoyable! No one will force you to put your hands in your pants, but let’s talk about how to enjoy masturbation if you’ve never done it before.
If you think you are late to the party
In our society, female masturbation is much more taboo than male masturbation, which is why many women never had any early childhood experience fiddling with their genitals and figuring out what they liked. By the time they come of age, they are too shy to learn to masturbate. If I had a dollar every time I heard, “I can’t believe I’m [fill in the gap] years old and don’t know how to masturbate,” I would dictate this article to my personal interviewee. assistant relaxing on a private beach somewhere in the South Pacific. (Note: I’ve heard women between the ages of 16 and 72 make this statement.) The bottom line is that there is no “too old” age to masturbate.
You can fight any frustration you may have by focusing on your specific reasons for wanting to learn at this stage in your life – just remove all the self-critical parts of your thoughts. Maybe it’s “I want to take better care of my body,” “I want to put my pleasure first for a change,” or “I want to have fun on my own.” Other good reasons to masturbate? This is great and can bring you an orgasm (I am convinced that there is no worse feeling in the world than bringing yourself to orgasm). It can relieve headaches, menstrual cramps, and stress. It can improve your mood, change your relationship with your body, help you fall asleep, and can be a great form of self-care – all regardless of your age. Masturbation is AWESOME!
If you don’t know what to do
I know it’s hard to do something new for the first time without feeling like an idiot. But seriously guys, masturbation is a skill worth learning. Remember that you are doing this yourself and no one will see you feel awkward or awkward. Also, I have something to try.
If you’ve never masturbated before (or tried, but never really enjoyed it), make it easier at first. The best place to start is by stroking your clitoris in a few different ways ( lubrication can do that even better! ). Try diagonally, eight, in a circle, up and down, and side to side. Every time you try a particular stroking, ask yourself, “Do you like this?” When it comes to masturbation, the only “right” and “wrong” are whether you enjoy something or not. If the answer is “no, that’s not that great,” just try another stroke. If you are an analytical type, try to rate the level of pleasure on a scale from 1 to 5; anything 3 or more is enough to proceed. When you find something that you like, keep doing it for as long as it is enjoyable. You can play with different levels of pressure or speed, but most women respond better to consistency than difficult technique.
Try not to think about orgasm at first. Yes, I understand what I’m doing here: I’ve talked about the orgasm-inducing benefits of masturbation, and now I’m telling you not to focus on orgasm when you masturbate. Before you write me off as a mindless idiot (I have a degree in reverse psychology!), Let me explain. Being completely focused on orgasm creates tremendous pressure and makes it difficult to enjoy the sensations in the moment. It prevents you from giving yourself the freedom to explore what you enjoy and can make you feel like a “failure” through trial and error, which is inherently part of learning to masturbate. Masturbation is not cleaning the house; it’s not a terrible job that only becomes enjoyable when you feel like you’ve accomplished something. It should be enjoyable in everything, and that pleasure is what you should focus on.
If you get bored or distracted
The average woman takes 20 minutes to orgasm. Many women will take it long in the beginning, but eventually their Timelines may work their way down with practice. It is impossible to fully focus on anything for 20 minutes, so you will definitely notice that your mind is wandering. When you start to disconnect, refocus yourself on the question, “Is this good?” Or you can remind yourself why you wanted to masturbate at all (“I know I’m having a hard time relaxing, but I want to remember that now is my time not to take care of anyone but myself.”).
Learning to masturbate takes a little patience, but patience doesn’t have to equal boredom. This is your special time for self-care, so you may find something that makes masturbation even more enjoyable. This kind of research is perhaps the most fun part of the masturbation process! Think about it throughout the day and try to create some anticipation of being alone in the evening. Try playing your favorite sexy music (share your recommendations in the comments!). Put on something that makes you hot. Watch porn or read erotica. Fantasize about something that already turns you on, or give yourself the freedom to play with new fantasies. Take different body positions. Moan and breathe hard. You can even turn your bedroom into a luxurious masturbation cabinet with pretty sheets, scented candles, and high quality lubricant. These mental techniques can be approached in the same way as physical ones: try each one and see what works for you!
Want to know more about masturbation? This is my favorite topic (I’ve even created an online course teaching women to masturbate and orgasm ), so we’re going to cover it here in a series of articles in the coming weeks. Let me know what questions you want answered!