Why Is Your Partner Ignoring Your Sexual Requests?
Communicating our sexual desires and needs is an important part of a relationship, but for most of us, it’s also pretty darn difficult! Many of my clients take the bold step of asking what they want in bed, only to feel like their wishes are being ignored. If so, here’s what could go wrong.
You ask at the wrong time
Many people ask right after sex, for example, “I would really like you to be more assertive next time.” This strategy tends to be counterproductive. Talking about sex is hard. Talking about sex in the bedroom – especially right after sex! – even more difficult. He may seem too vulnerable and too light to defend. Or your partner may be blissful after orgasm in la la country, unable to truly hear or understand what you are asking for. I would recommend starting the conversation when the two of you are relaxed and out of the bedroom.
You don’t really ask
When it comes to asking your partner what you want in bed, the key word is “ask.” You don’t want to demand, persuade, or force your partner to do things for you. You are likely to face resistance if you are overbearing. Ask questions such as “how do you like this?”
Your partner doesn’t understand what you want
You can go overboard in a different direction with your question by downplaying it, being too vague, or acting like it doesn’t matter. You have to be like Goldilocks and do everything right! You may feel like you have clearly stated your request, but your partner may not hear it in the same way. You may need to be more direct than ever before.
Or, your partner might be the person who needs details to get things done. Try to describe what you want in as much detail as possible. Make sure your partner understands everything by asking questions such as “Does this make sense to you?” You can also play a show-not-tell adult game and try to show your partner what you would like them to do to you.
Too much pressure
Some people don’t like the idea of revealing details because they feel like explaining what they want takes away the fun. I understand; It would be nice to have a partner who can magically and intuitively grasp your needs and give you exactly what you want. Unfortunately, this is not how sex works in the real world. You put a lot of pressure on your partner when you don’t fully describe what you want. Basically, you are asking your partner to read your mind and take a picture in the dark, which is unlikely to make you happy.
You don’t reciprocate
If your partner is not responding to your requests, it is worth considering whether you are the type of partner you want to have. Have you neglected or ignored their requests? Are you generous and generous? Right after you make your request, it’s time to ask your partner, “What can I do to take even better care of you in the bedroom?” Both of you will feel better in your conversation if you make it a two-way street.
Your partner doesn’t want to do this.
After all, after all this, it may be that your partner just doesn’t feel comfortable fulfilling those desires. There is no “right” or “wrong” when it comes to consenting adults for sexual desires, but not everyone likes the same thing. If you suspect this might be the case, ask your partner questions such as, “Is this something that interests you?” or “is this what you want to do for me?”