Separate Your Feelings From Your Actions to Succeed in Fitness
I spent the first 20 years of my life “badly” about my thoughts. As I was obese, I drove past McDonald’s and felt a tremendous sense of guilt for feeling hungry. Likewise, after a perfect week of dieting, the temptation to raid my refrigerator has led to a sense of moral failure. But it’s not about feelings, but about actions.
People who, like me, gain extra weight often feel that something is wrong with them. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: the feeling that you need to give in to this piece of cake sets off a chain reaction urging you to succumb to temptation. For example, if you ate one fries at McDonald’s and then wanted to eat more, you will feel like a failure, even if these foods are designed to make us feel that way .
On the opposite side of the spectrum, I have a friend named Kyle. Anyone would envy his thinness. Kyle told me he hates eating. He literally only eats when he’s hungry enough. I wanted to be more like this. Kyle was morally discerning to me … not as gluttonous as me. Fast forward a few years, and I realized that I would never be like Kyle, but that’s okay.
We cannot control our feelings, but we can control our actions. Feelings such as hunger, irritation, and vindictiveness are all negative emotions. When they do, it usually gets bad because of such a primitive and illogical reaction. For example, we may feel jealous when a significant other is having a good time with someone of the opposite sex and then immediately feel guilty about feeling insecure.
But by definition, primal feelings are deeply wired and uncontrollable. However, we can recognize them, feel comfortable with them, and understand that they do not require action. By being aware of these facts, we can both determine their roots and objectively determine the next course of action. This is called mindfulness : you are present and then explore your feelings without judgment.
Take “temptation” for example. From what I’ve seen, the following scenario is quite typical. You have been in a calorie deficit for two weeks now and have lost weight. You created this deficit by planning exactly what to eat each day and not deviating from your protocol. One day, however, your company brings a cake to a colleague celebrating their birthday.
First, you are overwhelmed by a sense of temptation. Then you feel guilty and anxious. Not only do you want to eat a piece of cake, but you also feel guilty about it. Rationalizing thoughts arise in your mind, such as “This is just one piece of the pie” (when surrounded by these emotions, it’s never just a piece of pie …) or “I was good this week and deserve a reward,” a thought that usually leads to failure . At this point, most people will give in.
Take a short pause instead. First, tell yourself that it’s okay, that you feel this way, and that you’re not a bad person to be tempted beyond measure. Then remind yourself that you are only feeling what any other person in your situation would feel. Given your past experiences, how would you feel if you gave in? Wouldn’t you be much better off if you didn’t?
You cannot be held responsible for your feelings. However, you are responsible for your actions . By understanding and internalizing these facts, you can make the best and most objective decisions to keep moving forward in both fitness and life.