How to Host a Mother-in-Law Without Losing Your Mind
If you have a healthy relationship with your family and enjoy spending time with them, that’s great! (And where did you get that Amazon?) If your father-in-law’s thought was clearing his throat loudly once again, sending a paroxysm of muffled rage through your chest cavity, though, here are some tips to help you deal if you get stuck on their hosting again.
Firstly: if they can stay somewhere – else?
If relatives of relatives are getting on your nerves, should they stay with you? Are you sure ? Is there any excuse you can reasonably imagine – a family member who is not vaccinated, a guest room in need of emergency repairs, or just a polite version of the truth? And not: “You are grossly infringing on my parental rights, and I hate listening to you chew.” Something like, “With X, Y and Z we don’t have the capacity for the company right now, but here are some nearby hotels.” Or one of these other honest diplomatic options . If there is no way out of hosting them at home, I’m sorry; go to the second step.
Schedule this for when it works for you (and set a vacation date)
Rule number one for relatives you don’t like hanging out with: never let relatives dictate when they arrive. Of course, they can make proposals for a time frame and announce the availability of vacancies. But remember, it’s up to you and your partner when their visit is best. Don’t let them ruin your regular schedule, the fun activity you’ve been looking forward to, or stay for a week where a few days is all you can reasonably do. By the way: always set a firm vacation date (with a reason to confirm it), otherwise their visit may take several days, especially if they are traveling by car.
Set expectations and boundaries for the visit
If you have important deadlines, holiday preparations, or just an exercise lesson that you will never miss because it is important to your well-being, let them know ahead of time when you will not be available during their visit. Suggest ideas for nearby excursions and activities they can do on their own while you are busy. If you like to sleep, but they get up with the first rays of dawn, tell them in advance where you can find breakfast and coffee, and also help yourself, because you will not come to the surface until about 10 in the morning.
Agree with your spouse that they will take the lead
Your spouse may need to be reminded to take the lead in hosting. Let everyone know that you are okay to do the preparation behind the scenes (or do whatever you want to do), but if they sit and read the newspaper or watch TV while you are forced to make small talk for a few days with Thoth who hates you because of your sport will be on your shitty list. Make it clear that you expect them to do business, talk, and engage in possible disputes so that you don’t get stuck, in effect, looking out for their parents.
Conflict Resolution (and Scenario) Brainstorming
Before they arrive, sit down with your spouse and make a list of five or ten of the most negative comments or concerns you can foresee. Together, figure out how you will react to these situations, and write scripts of what they say to resolve any conflict. And yes, rebuff should come from your spouse whenever possible, so that your relatives know that their child is responsible for the decision and you are not to blame.
Schedule extra personal care before and after
It helps if you’re free from the build-up of stress and anxiety when they arrive, so indulge in some of your favorite soothing activities just before they arrive in town. A massage, an evening with friends, or your favorite HIIT lesson can help you be patient to face them breaking your house rules, or tell long, twisty stories about a retired pair of duck hunters named Ned and Sue they met in the morning. walk to the pond (and how they had never seen a hooded bunny before). While you’re at it, go ahead and schedule some self-care after they leave.
Sneak Out When You Can (and Involve Others)
Remember, just because they are coming does not mean you have to be with them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Whether it’s a workout, heading to your room early to scroll through TikTok, walking, or sneaking out to the grocery store alone, take small moments to give yourself a break from work.
Another trick? Involve other people whenever possible. If you’re having a game night or picnic, invite friends or other family members to buffer the conversation and take some of the entertainment off your shoulders. You never know, maybe your best friend’s husband and your father-in-law will end up bonding over a shared love of military history (so you don’t have to hear about the Battle of Midway again).