Your Guide to the Secret Life in a Stranger’s House

The thought of someone secretly living in your house and silently waiting in the closet while you go to work to eat your food and pet your cat is horrendous, but apparently it happens often enough to have a name. . This is called “frogging” and differs from home invasion and robbery mainly in intent. The frog doesn’t try to steal your jewelry like a normal burglar; they want to secretly stay with you for a few days before moving into someone else’s apartment. It’s a risky but free lifestyle, perfect for immoral thrill seekers.

What is froging?

The covert nature of froging makes it difficult to know how common it is, but sometimes something like froging happens. Take, for example , the Knoxville man who found a half-naked dude living in the basement cooking meth , or Braden Woodhouse, who was recently found guilty in Cedar Rapids of breaking into numerous homes to use the tenants’ computers to watch porn. But the media only reports on the frogs caught. Frogs who can do this, those who leave behind nothing but a dark silhouette on the Ring camera and a restless feeling, are never arrested. There may be thousands of them. Or none at all.

Whether or not phroging is real depends on what you mean by “phrog”. Frogs are not squatters. You are squatting in an unused house. Frogs are not ordinary thieves – they are all too real. Attackers who have been caught but don’t fit into these two categories have only minor brags. They are usually lone wolves. They often have mental health issues, a particular vendetta against the tenants, or are obsessed fans .

The real frog has chosen to hide at home as a way of life. Supposedly, there is an underground community of frogs that don’t get enough attention to be the subject of news. They are said to congregate on dark web message boards where they share tips on how to avoid detection in other people’s homes and even post videos of homeowners sleeping to show off.

Like everything people say is happening on the dark web, this might be bullshit, but what if it isn’t? There are so many places in my luxurious estate where a frog could hide – stables, an abandoned mausoleum – that I assume that dozens of frogs now live within my walls, so I contacted the LAPD to get an official opinion. Officer Eisenman of the LAPD’s media relations department replied curtly, “We haven’t heard about it,” but what does he know? A stranger secretly moving into a house just to sleep over may not be common, but it is possible and the LAPD would never know about it if it worked.

To catch a frog, you have to think like a frog. Since I could not find any communities of true frogs, I compiled my own hypothetical guide to this secretive subculture. None of these tips should be followed. Treat each clue as a negative example and do the opposite to reduce your chances of being targeted by the frog.

Tips for a Successful Frog

• Remember your moral code: you are not a thief or a robber. You’re just taking advantage of unused space in someone else’s home to take a cheap break. It’s morally questionable, but once you start taking other people’s valuables, you’ll move from breaking, breaking, and breaking into more serious crimes.
• Location, location, location : To minimize your chances of being discovered and imprisoned, choosing the right frog home is vital. The most obvious choice is unoccupied properties such as model homes, off-season vacation homes, and abandoned properties. But staying in one of them is not phroging; it’s squatting. The risk is much lower, but you will miss the free food, use of the entertainment system, and the excitement of a real frog.
• Choose the right home : For the best experience, you want to choose a home that has all residents working during the day, but is large enough to have an attic, basement, or garage that isn’t used all the time. Think of the middle ground between “so rich that I stay at home all day” and “so poor that I literally use my entire house.” The pool that takes up most of the backyard is a good marker and there could be a pool house there. Another option: Student residence. You won’t have first-class food and the comforts of a country estate, but the fleeting and unconventional life of students allows you to avoid detection. Students might not even call the police if they catch you, like those roommates in Ohio who didn’t first report a run-in with “Jeremy,” a guy who had been secretly living in their basement for months.
• Aim for a garage or guest house: Most stories of sexual harassment that make it to the news involve people living in the attic or outside the walls. Bright, yes, but you know what doesn’t make the news? When someone lives in the garage for a couple of nights and leaves. It’s not the best option for sleeping or stealing food, but there might be a mini-fridge stocked with beer in the corner.
• Avoid Security Cameras: The surveillance system is a vagrant’s worst nightmare and they are becoming more and more common, so tread carefully. Avoid homes with flashy cameras or lawn signs advertising security companies.
• Dogs are not your best friends : stay away from any home with a dog sign. It’s not just the “tear you apart” fangs that you have to worry about. Even a tiny friendly dog ​​will whine at the closet door if you’re hiding there. Stick to the homes of cat owners.
• Check for Weapons : Once you’ve snuck into your chosen house, look out for a gun safe or other evidence of firearms, which will greatly increase your danger of being killed. Homeowners in the US generally have the right to use deadly force against an intruder in their home, and you can’t defend yourself like a harmless frog in court if you’re dead – people tend to assume the worst of who breaks into homes.
• A good frog is a neat frog : don’t make a mess. When you’re sneaking out of your little hideout after everyone’s gone to work or sleep, by all means, enjoy a comfy sofa and a big TV, but make sure you put the remote in the right place before climbing back into the attic. Unless you’re one of those frogs who try to subtly make the owner think he’s crazy. In this case, move everything subtly. Tilt the photos on the wall. Steal one fork. Get creative with this.
• Don’t Eat Too Much : The more you eat, the more likely you are to be noticed. Don’t finish your leftover milk or empty your cereal box—you want your hosts to think, “Did I eat it all?” Not “I know we had rice cereal.”
• Don’t Stay Too Long: No matter how good the accommodations are, don’t stay too long. That’s how you feel comfortable, and convenience makes you sloppy. Don’t be like that woman in Japan . Sure, she got off with free rent for a year, staying quiet in the closet, but if she left after eight months, no one would know.

What to do if you think you have a frog in your house

All of the above rules for successful floroging can be used to detect and prevent a frog from attacking your home, but what if you’re a householder and you think a stranger is secretly living in your home? Before you give up and move on, consider the following:

• Contact the police : Obviously, this should be your first step. If you suspect someone is secretly living within your walls, don’t become an avenger and shoot them or anything like that except as a last resort. Even though you can legally use lethal force against intruders in your home, killing someone who just wants to stay warm for a few nights has disturbing moral implications.
• Consider if you have mental health issues . Signs of a frog’s presence – elusive arrangement of things, doors left open, unexplained sounds, moving objects, etc. – reflect symptoms of psychosis, bipolar disorder, and other mental illnesses. Mental illness is far more common than someone hiding in your home, so rule it out first.
• Check for carbon monoxide poisoning . Like ghosts and mental illness, carbon monoxide poisoning can make people see or hear things that aren’t there, and is probably more common than having a secret tenant. So make sure your smoke detectors also detect carbon monoxide.
• It’s not a ghost: many frogging news stories report that residents initially thought their house was haunted. But ghosts aren’t real, so don’t hire a priest or shaman to clean your house – burning sage and sprinkling holy water doesn’t work on frogs.