Why You Need More “tiny Relationships” (and How to Get Them)
One of the many lessons we have been forced to learn from the pandemic has been the importance of social interaction and the devastating effects of social isolation. And even beyond our close relationships with friends and family, weak social ties are also necessary for our sense of well-being. I know how easy it is to shut yourself off from strangers. (I mean, as a woman, I was trained to do this for my own safety.) However, building tiny relationships with the fringe members of our social networks has a powerful impact.
Here’s how to start embracing these often overlooked interactions and how they can make your life a little more joyful.
Why You Need Small Social Interactions
Recent research shows that even small amounts of social interaction — such as a quick exchange with a barista or a stranger on the sidewalk — has a positive effect on our well-being. Behind these studies is the psychologist Gillian Sandstrom , whose work focuses on combating social isolation. On an episode of the Hidden Brain podcast, she further explains that people who look for loose social connections end up feeling more life satisfaction and having a greater sense of belonging.
It’s easy to live with your head down, avoiding the far ends of your social network, like colleagues you never talk to or neighbors whose names you don’t remember. You may not perceive your life as a disadvantage, but by avoiding such tiny interactions, you can deprive yourself of potential happiness.
How to build tiny relationships
I’m the type of person who can tell jokes into a microphone in front of a crowd, but is too nervous to ask the barista for the Wi-Fi password. Previous research on social interaction suggests that the pessimism we feel about talking to strangers is greatly exaggerated . We worry about making a fool of ourselves when actually chatting with a stranger on the subway or taking the time to get your cashier’s name is a win-win experience for all parties – with some important caveats, of course. Here are some tips on how to start building the tiny relationships in your life so we can all feel a little less alone.
Look at the periphery of your social network. Sandström defines weak ties when you and your acquaintance know each other. Think about your favorite coffee shop, grocery store, gym—every day we cross paths with the same people. Take the bold first step of acknowledging that you and the stranger are likely to recognize each other. Introduce yourself so that you are no longer strangers and now you have a mutual familiarity.
Search. Literally! Consider taking off your headphones, looking up from your phone, and smiling at others as you go about your business. You may start to recognize familiar faces to introduce yourself later, you may make yourself available to someone who needs directions, or you may just feel less alone with a little wave or nod from a stranger.
Don’t be creepy. Unfortunately, you have to think through the dynamics of who you are trying to contact here. As I mentioned above, most women are trained not to engage in conversations with strangers. It’s just reality. Respect people’s boundaries and don’t force a conversation with someone who clearly wants to be alone.
Listen to your intuition. As above, if you’re concerned that your small talk is making the other person feel insecure (or endangering you!), listen to that instinct. However, if the fear of embarrassment or embarrassment is holding you back, force yourself to overcome that anxiety.
And hey, if you’re someone who wants to avoid unwanted interactions, then hold on to these headphones and look at the ground. But if you feel safe asking a stranger what his name is, then do it. It might just bring the two of you a little more joy in your days.