How to Skip the Office Pizza Party and Stay a Team Player
If there’s one thing corporate America loves, it’s an office pizza party. Did you achieve results for the quarter? It’s an office pizza party. Old timer retiring? Having a child? Reach a milestone birthday? Pizza party, pizza party, pizza party.
Of course, most of the staff would have preferred, I don’t know, a raise over the dough, sauce, and cheese (maybe toppings, if you’re lucky). The value of employees in the form of real dollars in the bank account will always bring more satisfaction than one or two slices, so I don’t blame you if you prefer to skip the office pizza party altogether. But what about the possible consequences of this decision? Would you be considered less of a team player in the office?
In many cases, yes. That is, unless you use one of the following tactics to avoid showing up at the party without losing the goodwill you’ve built up among your boss and co-workers.
Offer to help organize a party
Corporate planning is a thankless task. Most offices don’t have a designated event planner, so the responsibility often falls to any employee willing to take it on. Because of this, whoever bites the bullet and plans the party earns a certain level of martyrdom, and with that status comes the ability to not attend the party.
In the end, this is a worthwhile offer. Is it easy to plan a pizza party at the office? Of course it is. But the amount of time you spend placing an order for pizza and making sure the kitchen has plates and napkins is a lot less than the amount of time you would have to spend at a real party, idly chatting with co-workers. Once this party is up and running, you can walk out of there. And no one will be able to say anything about your departure, because you don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
Say you use the time to work
Ultimately, the point of work is to do your job. So if you have a pizza party planned but you tell your co-workers you’re not going to do it because you have some work to do, they really can’t feel sorry for you. This is an ironclad excuse. After all, you can’t blame the surgeon for not being part of the team because he doesn’t show up for his monthly birthday meeting—they apparently have more important things to do.
Inform your colleagues that you are going to make a deal; they won’t ask questions. They will be happy about the prosperity of the company and do not hesitate for a long time what is actually a convenient excuse for you to take your mind off drinking a warm sprite with accounting.
Sign up for an appointment with the doctor
Chances are you’ll know about upcoming pizza parties at least a week or so in advance. You’re probably late to your doctor’s appointment anyway , so you can get as much of the proverbial “bang for your buck” as possible from them. Tell all your colleagues that you are sorry to miss the appointment, but unfortunately 4:30 pm on Friday is the only time your dentist had free time and they are not going to call your dentist’s office and find out if everyone was available day this week.
come up with an excuse
This is by far the riskiest of the options because “making up an excuse” is really just code for “lying”. But desperate times call for desperate measures. The key to a good “justification” is a combination of specificity and vagueness. You can’t just say, “Sorry, something happened.” But saying, “Excuse me, did something happen to my son at school?” You are now cooking on gas. Most people won’t look for more information about something like this; and they’ll think that whatever you’re dealing with is definitely worse than an office pizza party.
Of course, the threat of being caught in a lie will ultimately damage your social position in the office and brand you as a non-team player. But if you’re willing to take the risk, coming up with an excuse is your ticket out of the office and back home.
Radical Honesty
I’m going to be extremely honest with you. The success rate for this is low and the chances of backfire are high. But this is an option that I still want to offer you. If you’re not planning on going to an office pizza party and someone asks you why, tell them the truth. These are your colleagues, not your friends, and you don’t have to eat pizza with them. Some people may be offended, but others may respect you for your directness. It doesn’t look like they really want to go.