How to Stop Gossiping Before Ruining Your Reputation
“So so so. If it’s not a consequence of my own actions.” This is a pretty standard joke on Twitter and TikTok these days, and its popularity has to do with the universality of this feeling. drama and did not experience a moment of clarity, suddenly realizing that we are to blame for this, and that sooner or later everyone else will guess too?
Everyone is gossiping. Everyone stir the pot from time to time. This is human nature, but it can also be destructive, especially when done maliciously. You can harm others and yourself. Here’s how to stop gossiping – or at least deal with your annoying ways.
First, forgive yourself.
What we’re not going to do is berate ourselves, okay? Maybe you’ve repeated a secret or shared a total lie and hit yourself and others in hot water, but you’re not exactly an evil person. You are just a human being, and people behave like that sometimes.
“I think living in the South is about being good at gossip,” muses the Reverend Rob W. Lee, a community theologian and activist based in North Carolina. “We all know what counts as conversation in what situation. Personally, I think it is ingrained in us. In a way, at least here, here it can be harmless. To understand the essence of the South, you need to know what we will look through our blinds to tell our bridge club what is happening on the street the next day. I don’t want to idealize it, but for me it was always part of the conversation. “
Even if you are not southerner, gossip is most likely a part of your life, if not your culture. Hispanic people even have a word for gossips: “ Chismosos. “It is embedded in many cultures because it is part of the human experience. You are not alone or morally bankrupt if you feel the need to tell someone about a friend’s personal affairs.
“I used to gossip and still gossip,” says one Michigan woman who asked to be named Pearl. “I think that gossip is a natural thing and a part of human life. I would say that gossiping isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s just what you gossip about. “
Let’s talk about it.
Know the difference between harmless and harmful gossip.
So Reverend Lee thinks a lot of gossip is “harmless,” and Pearl agrees. However, she notes that there are exceptions to this rule, so some grace only applies to the moment you realize that you are about to cross the line. Pearl says she enjoys sharing the news of her life with people and gets upset when she realizes that they already know the news she’s about to tell them. She points to the ex-boyfriend’s recent tirade on social media (Lifehacker looked at some of the screenshots). He very seriously followed her and her new boyfriend, stepping over the line from gossip to direct attacks. What the gossip was, how quickly screenshots and links to RANT spread among Pearl’s acquaintances. By the time she reached out to people to gently ask them to ignore or block her ex, they already knew the ins and outs of public one-sided struggles, which was pretty awkward. publicly, he made their past relationship a matter for everyone. Discussing publicly available information is not a violation of the rules, but here you need to ask yourself if amplifying a signal like this is harmless or harmful. This is a judgment and it can be tricky. Each situation is different, so keep in mind that it would be better to make a mistake and not discuss people’s personal lives at all.
“There are limits, and there are some things you shouldn’t share, depending on what it is and what is sensitive to people,” Pearl says, emphasizing that making these calls is entirely up to you and you need to spend serious money. It’s time to think about the possible consequences before cluttering up your group chat with other people’s personal affairs or awkward stories.
In other situations, it’s pretty clear when you need to keep your mouth shut and don’t need to make hazy judgments. For example, Pearl says, “If someone comes out to you, it’s none of your business. It’s theirs “.
The Reverend Li admits that he was also the subject of gossip, and found it “debilitating” not because the gossip was true — it’s not true, he says — but because it came from an ignorant source. Gossip usually signals that the people being gossiped about might be harmed, ”he says. “In my faith, everywhere, from the book of Exodus to Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, there is a real warning against spreading gossip as it can be harmful.”
Remember, you probably don’t have all the facts. The people who shared screenshots of Pearl’s rant did not know her side of the story, but by the time she was able to tell them about it – after privately dealing with the immediate aftermath of her ex – they had already come to conclusions based only on half of the information. There are times when you hear something and never get the whole story. Remind yourself not to perpetuate half-truths and lies.
Gossip isn’t just about sharing information. It is pulling information out of others or asking questions that you have nothing to ask. Do not be angry if someone withholds personal information of third parties from you. Don’t let them gossip or undermine someone else’s trust. Instead, take comfort in the fact that the secret keeper is the vault and he won’t gossip about you .
How to stop the gossip cycle
You don’t have to stop talking about other people completely. This is unrealistic and not even fun. However, exercise restraint: when you hear gossip about someone, go into journalism mode. Contact them for their version of events. If you are too scared to do this, or if it seems too insistent, this is a good sign that you should not repeat what you heard. If you can’t talk about it with the person at the center of the story, you shouldn’t talk about them to anyone else.
“I think the keys to success are honesty, transparency and admitting mistakes if called upon. This is what brings about concrete changes in the conversation, ”says Reverend Lee.
Not to turn into the lane of the good reverend here, but let’s be biblical. We started this article with a quote on TikTok, but will end with a quote from Jesus Himself: “Whatever you want people to do to you, so do you to them.”
You don’t want your business to spread, especially by people who don’t know the whole story, so don’t do it with anyone else. It’s only a matter of facts. And here’s a fact for you: Trading in partially truthful or completely false information can harm other people and tarnish your reputation. So don’t do it. Let the next thing someone say behind your back is that you are a reliable friend and an excellent guardian of secrets.