Maternity Leave Guide
Fatherhood is a slow wave of unfamiliar emotions. While father’s emotions are not the primary goal of pregnancy, it is important to manage them. This means mitigating potential stressors early so you can properly enjoy the arrival of your tiny new family member.
Top of the list for many: parental leave negotiations. More and more forward-thinking companies, powerful dads like Mark Zuckerberg , and states like New York are setting a refreshing new standard for American parenting.
If you are fortunate enough to work in an environment that accepts this paradigm shift, good luck! However, I was not. After the birth of my son, my parental leave was interrupted and I lost my job.
But I’ve learned firsthand what I could have done differently, so hopefully those who work in parent-unfriendly companies can learn from my misery. Here are a few steps you can take to arrange your parental leave.
Use statistics to gain courage
Many fathers embarrass themselves for asking for parental leave. Horror stories like mine, combined with concerns about being considered less committed to their work, can make men feel like they are throwing the dice asking for time off to have their baby.
However, the biggest mistake you can make is not asking. This is not an emotional argument, but a rational one. Recent research shows that the lack of paid leave is not only detrimental to employees and their families, but also to their companies.
Two economists in California – one of the few states to adopt a paid family leave program – have studied how the vacation affects the state’s business. Hundreds of employers surveyed found that vacation had a “minimal” impact on their business operations .
On the other hand, the benefits were astounding. Most businesses found that the program had either a “positive” or “subtle impact” on productivity (89 percent), profitability / productivity (91 percent), employee turnover (96 percent), and most importantly, employee morale (99 percent). ).
Research like this, presented in the Think Progress report, provides compelling evidence that paid family leave makes workers happy, loyal, and committed to maintaining the workforce.
If you need additional stimulus, consider your child’s development. A new study from Imperial College London shows a link between increased paternal interaction during the first three months and improved cognitive function in infants at 24 months of age.
The first few weeks of your baby’s life cannot be brought back after they have passed. Don’t let misplaced guilt or a stubborn commitment to traditional masculinity cost you forever and irreplaceable memories. No matter what happens, I will never trade the time I had at home to return to this job.
Receive a written copy of your company policy
In my case, my company didn’t have a policy. I was told verbally (and in a hug) that I would get a month of paid vacation and an extra month of work from home, which seemed generous to me. Out of gratitude, I never asked for this in writing. Big mistake.
Two weeks later, I was told that I had to return to the office at the end of the month. I objected, but I had no documentary evidence of what was discussed at my previous meeting.
It might sound overly vigilant, but it’s much better to have everyone write on the same page right after the jump so there aren’t any surprises. This applies to both parties: the written policy not only provides employees with proof of agreement in the event expectations change in the future, but also creates a tangible document that helps the rest of the company prepare for being away from home.
Know your legal rights
We know that parents-to-be are probably busy researching children’s books and car seat specifications, but it’s wise to check your state’s family leave laws, as well as the Federal Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), which entitles employees to 12 weeks of unpaid leave with retention of work.
Do your research before meeting with your employer. Regardless of whether your company has a parental leave policy, you will know what you are entitled to by law and can use that information to your advantage.
Study carefully any wording related to title and salary. When I returned to the office, I was told that there had been a “restructuring” in my department and was offered to lower my title with a pay cut.
I was lucky to quickly find another opportunity, but partly I was saddened (apart from the obvious) with anger at myself for not understanding the law ahead of time. When the ax fell, I would like to know what the company can and cannot do within the law.
Proactive preparation is better than reflective action, especially if you want to focus on your newborn.
Talk to other fathers
It is also helpful to talk to coworkers and friends at other companies about their paternity leave before meeting with your employer. Write down what you like about their arrangement and what is best to avoid.
This will give you an idea of what other companies are doing and give you additional leverage in negotiations. A wide network of communication across industries can reveal new approaches that your employer may be receptive to (such as extending parental leave ).
Again, if you are making an individual addition to any existing policy, get written consent.
Start your coverage plan
Remember, your coworkers will be working hard to make up for your absence, so you need to go beyond sending them a calendar reminder.
Show them that you value their support by planning your coverage shortly after the news is announced. After you have agreed with your employer about an acceptable amount of free time, call a meeting with everyone who will be affected by your absence to discuss the logistics of your plan.
Prepare specific answers to start the appointment (will your employer hire a temporary employee to carry out your duties? Are there clients or clients who require advance notice? Is anyone else in the department out of the office during your parental leave?) And make sure your colleagues have time to ask their questions. Return regularly with this group before leaving so that everyone feels comfortable and confident during the adaptation period.
Stick to the script
While on vacation, resist the temptation to check in or take part in anything work-related; that’s what the coverage plan is for.
Your baby will sleep a lot for the first few weeks, but don’t fall into the trap of this downtime. If you don’t fall asleep yourself, immerse yourself completely in other aspects of parenting: cleaning bottles, doing laundry, or reading about your baby’s first year.
By giving in and responding to what seems like a minute letter, you will set a precedent: You will be professionally available during parental leave. It can quickly snowball.
If you can’t afford to overflow your inbox, keep a personal list of the items you want to address without replying to anything. Read it before returning to the office. The important things will continue to be important, and you’ll be grateful that you didn’t spend too much of your personal time on unnecessary things.