When Should You Have Another Child?

Sometimes the decision is even harder to make than “Should we have a baby?” “Should we have another child?” – and if the answer is “yes”, then the question becomes “When?” The age gap between siblings, also known as birth spacing, is a serious topic of analysis – for economists , sociologists , the World Health Organization and, above all, parents who must strategically weigh factors, from finances to their careers and annoying “hours. “Up to the type of relationship they represent for the children themselves. And then, of course, the decision may not be in their hands at all, because you can’t just pick a date on the calendar and enter “baby’s birth.” It is very difficult and very personal.

While you can’t always choose when , you can know what each age gap can expect. Here are some of the pros and cons of different spacing options explained by both science and real parents. Note. The information is general in nature and mainly refers to families with one or two children. If you have multiple age differences, it is impossible to summarize the situation unambiguously. Plus, when you have children with special needs, that makes a difference too. As I said, this is all very complex and very personal.

Less than a 1.5 year gap

The bottom line: This is a peeling off approach to parenting. You are already deep in the trenches, so it might make sense to complete multiple tasks at the same time. There is efficiency and potential savings in this ready-made plan. (That is, if you only have two children.) Blogger The Alpha Parent, who has produced an extremely comprehensive, research- based report on childbirth spacing , writes of the children closest to you: “It brings together the exhausting years you spend. in “child mode”. You become a reliable and efficient parenting machine with a conveyor belt for diaper changing, brushing teeth and tandem feeding. (Shared bath water, anyone?) “Also, according to the parents who did it, it’s very difficult to juggle two mostly helpless creatures at the same time. “Remember how much shit you had to carry with you when you had your first child?” – writes Karen Alpert from the book “Children’s sideburns” . “Now, multiply that by two and add another poop picking machine.”

Pros:

• You already have all the baby gear, and some of them can definitely serve a dual purpose. No need to store highchairs, changing tables and baby cots for years to come. Then when you’re done with that, you’re really done with that.
• Children may have common interests, play with the same friends, and watch the same shows, at least in the early years. It makes your life easier.
• You will be able to avoid the (serious) problems of firstborn jealousy when the new baby is born. “Your oldest child is too young to fully understand what this all means, so he is less likely to play pranks or reject a new child than if he was older,” explains What to Expect . “Plus, since he didn’t have mom and dad all this time alone, he can’t count on that kind of attention or preference.”
• You can save money. It can be hard to imagine because hey, there are several activities at the same time, but you can think of massive strategies – for example, hiring one nanny for two young children can be cheaper overall than paying for day care for two siblings of different ages.
• Mentally, you are in it . Childhood is a short period of your life, and you can share them in your brain as such. Once you get a taste of the sweet freedom when your kids go to school, it’s hard to go back to the land of the newborn again.
• Your children can be regular playmates and playmates.
• You can do fun things for older kids faster – perhaps go on more adventurous trips, stay late for activities, or do more interesting, mind-stimulating activities together.

Minuses:

• A woman’s body may not be ready so quickly for a new baby. According to a study published in the International Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, women who became pregnant within a year of giving birth were twice as likely to have this premature baby compared to women who waited at least 18 months. Getting pregnant within six months of a live birth is also associated with an increased risk of premature birth, placental abruption, low birth weight, congenital disease, and schizophrenia.
• Two college studies at the same time.
• You may feel that your attention is always divided, and you cannot spend a lot of time alone with each child.
• Life can be very stressful for a while. Mothers of twins or close siblings have a higher risk of postpartum depression .
• Your career could be hurt. Forbes says, “Unfortunately for working moms, two closely spaced maternity leaves can be a misnomer for managers.”

What parents say: Avery, mum of two boys 16 months apart, says: “The first six months were extremely difficult for me. I had two in diapers and felt like I was changing butts all day. My eldest was still a baby and had no idea what had happened. It shocked his small world and it was a big change for all of us. I remember caring for my one month old baby and trying to clean up after my 17 month old. There were days when all three cried. ” She adds: “But it got easier with age. Now they are the best friends, they helped and taught each other in a way that I could not be their mother. “

Age difference from 1.5 to 2 years

The bottom line: You haven’t completely forgotten the basics of newborns, but you had a little opportunity to breathe. Your children are still close enough in age to share – and fight for them – many common interests (toys, a “good seat” on the couch, and parental attention).

Pros:

• A two-year age difference usually allows the mother’s body to recover between pregnancies.
• Children can still grow up together in the same school.
• You can still follow a similar schedule (sleep, sleep, etc.).
• An older child usually proudly accepts his role as an older brother or sister and at least tries to help with the baby.

Minuses:

• Sibling rivalry can be intense.
• A child in their “Terrible Twos” and a newborn can make your entire house explosive.
• When a new baby is born , your toddler can (temporarily) turn back into a baby , suck a thumb, wanting to be held in your arms all the time, and everything works.
• An older child may not understand the concept of affection with a newborn.

What Parents Say: “It’s amazing when they all go to the same school. The teachers get to know the whole family, ”says Jennifer, a mother of three boys living two and a half years apart.

Amy, a mother of two, two years apart, adds that logistically it’s nice that kids can participate in the same activities and have the same friends, but her kids do fight a lot and are very competitive. “I’m not sure if this is due to the age difference or simply in our reality,” she says. “The older child is not very forgiving of the younger child’s age-appropriate behavior, and I really think that’s because they are so close.”

Age difference 3 to 4 years

The bottom line: This interval gives parents time to get comfortable with their roles and understand what worked and what didn’t the first time. (Sorry, firstborns are guinea pigs.) With this breakup, older children will have unique interests and friends of their own that will remain after the birth of a newborn so that their lives won’t feel completely ruined.

Pros:

• An older child can help – as well as help – with a newborn. And you can say things to them as if the child is asleep, so you need to be silent and not poke him with a straw, and he can understand (although whether he is listening is another story).
• An older child can be potty trained. They can also be quite independent, feeding and dressing themselves.
• According to a study by an economics professor at the University of Notre Dame, if siblings are at least two years apart , they get smarter .

Minuses:

• If an older child goes to school, he or she can bring home many germs that can infect a newborn. Children under 2 years of age aretwice aslikely to develop severe flu symptoms if they have an older sibling, according to a new study. Get the flu shot for older children (children over six months old).
• Sibling rivalry still exists. And now the older children are bigger and stronger.

What the parents say: Devin, the father of two children separated by four years, says: “They can’t be without each other, but they hate being together. The big one just destroyed his legos by the little one. It’s just always something. Both end up screaming at different times. ” Laina, who has a three-year age gap between her children, says: “An older child can help with simple things like diapers, toys, and they can play a little together. I don’t really have any cons. I love this age difference. “

Age difference from 5 years

The bottom line: Parents may have gotten their sanity back and can be much more rested and relaxed while raising their second child. The first child will be at school, so moms and dads may be able to have one-on-one interactions with the second, just as they experienced their first. Nevertheless, it can be difficult mentally to return to this zone.

Pros:

• The big age difference benefits the older child in school .
• This interval can give parents more time to work on their careers and increase their income.
• You can really focus on each child separately.
• Your oldest child can look after the youngest (over time).
• Even assuming that siblings with large age differences don’t get too close, this really isn’t true in adulthood. Here are some stories of sisters’ couples that are very different in age but very tightly connected .

Minuses:

• Children may not be close playmates early on.
• You may feel like you are starting from scratch – re-checking your home, figuring out new laws regarding car seats, etc. (They can change every year), buying new clothes (unless you saved everything from five years ago) and dr.
• This interval is not always possible due to the biological clock.
• Pregnancy five or more years after childbirth is associated with an increased risk of high blood pressure and signs of kidney damage (preeclampsia).

What parents say: “My kids are 10 and 3 years old,” says a mom named Brooke. “I didn’t plan on having such a big age difference. But when our oldest was 2 years old, the economy collapsed and I lost my job. We couldn’t try for a second. In about a year we were ready! Our first conception took 3 months. Our second one took over two years and a little medical attention. So, despite the fact that the difference in age of 7 years and 2.5 months was not included in our plans, I would not change it for the whole world. My oldest child is old enough to know when we need to pay more attention to the baby or when we might need him to help. For a time he was the only child in the family, and also had the experience of siblings. They are madly in love with each other – no kidding. They adore each other and never quarrel. Minuses? Pregnancy at 37 is different from pregnancy at 30. Your body is not the same – you feel your age. When you get used to being an independent child, you start over with childish things. It took a long time to have my second child, so I really enjoyed it all, but you forget how tired you are. “

More…