Change Your Money Habits by Changing Your Money History
What do you think about money? Are you a thrifty person or a wasteful person, or do you avoid thinking about it at all costs?
Writes in his book “worth” Amanda Steinberg, founder of the Daily Worth , personal stories that we tell ourselves, form who we are and what we do, especially our stories about money.
“Your history of money is all your subconscious ideas about money, how you should make it, what it means to want it, and what it means to have a lot or a little,” she writes. “It says a lot about yourself and what you believe in.”
Our stories are often negative. They can serve as an excuse for not taking our financial health seriously, which can lead to bad behavior and severe stress. You become a story that you tell yourself.
But money shouldn’t be a source of that concern. Instead, he can be a source of freedom, power and choice. Steinberg herself changed her story from someone who made and spent a lot of money and constantly chased the next status symbol to someone who saved and invested in himself.
“I knew I needed to deconstruct and rebuild my life,” she writes. For her, that meant leaving her husband and moving into a smaller house, cutting and dyeing her own hair, and all sorts of radical cuts.
Here’s how she did it.
How to change your money history
Steinberg recommends writing one sentence that talks about your current money. “Bringing your story down to one line forces you to think carefully about the main arc of your story, as well as how you think about yourself and how you handle your money.” For instance,
- “Money allows me to buy whatever I want.”
- “No matter how hard I try, I can’t save.”
- “Someday my prince will come.”
- “Capitalism is evil, so I don’t get involved in it.”
- “If I’m okay, the universe will give me what I need.”
- “Money makes me valuable.”
Steinberg’s book makes sure that we don’t need to follow the story of money that we tell ourselves all our lives – it can be completely edited. For example, you may think that you are a waster and cannot be changed, or that you know nothing about money and therefore let your spouse control the finances.
Most importantly, stop waiting for someone else to come along and magically change your situation – you need to do it for yourself. It can even be helpful to acknowledge that your story needs to change.
One way to do this is with story hints: small tweaks you can make to negative narratives in your mind to change your thinking, as Steinberg defines them (for example, she says she started calling herself a “savior” every time made changes to the bank).
You can do some more exercises.
Write Your Money Beliefs On Two Short Lists
Take a piece of paper or open a Word document and make two lists: the first is a list for your current beliefs about money and why you are holding it; the second is the beliefs you would like to have and how you support them.
“Don’t think,” Steinberg writes, “just write what strikes you at first.” You don’t even need to write in full sentences. Here are some tips:
- What is your earliest memory of money? Who had it? Who didn’t? Where is it from?
- Did you grow up with a saving or spending mentality? Explain.
- Where do you think the money should come from today? (Work, spouse, family, inheritance, investments)
- How confident are you in the following aspects of managing your money: saving, spending, investing, earning, donating.
- How much money do you think you have in relation to friends and family? Do you think you deserve it? How do you feel?
Write down your ideas about negative money
To move from the first list to the second, go to a new page and write down as many negative things that you often tell yourself about money.
For example, one of mine: “I’m not sure if I will ever have enough money to retire, no matter how I work.” A few more examples from Steinberg’s book:
- Money management is someone else’s job.
- Only men like to manage money.
- I don’t know what I’m doing with the money, and I never will.
- I cannot be spiritual and care about money, they are opposites.
- If I just stop spending, I have more money.
- The economy is in bad shape, so no one can afford to pay me what I deserve.
Look at your list and underline the ones you want to change.
Share the negative beliefs that affect your life the most.
Identify one or two of the beliefs on your list that most affect your daily life and write them down in full sentences. Then take a few of them to elaborate on what those beliefs are, how they affect you, and how you would like to change them.
For example, this is how my cynical attitude towards retirement affects me.
“I’m not sure if I will ever have enough money to retire, no matter how hard I work.”
With wage stagnation and ever-increasing living costs (especially healthcare), I’m not sure how I’ll ever be comfortable enough to truly retire or even cut my jobs. Day in and day out, I buy lunch that I don’t need, or an extra glass of wine, because saving that small amount of money seems useless anyway. I am contributing to 401 (k) but know I can save more. However, with rents so high and working in an industry where I was just lucky enough to have a full-time job, it often feels like I will never have enough money to save money, or the ability to ask for more money than I am currently earning. …
I would like to look to the future with great optimism: my salary will increase as I get older, I can reduce extraneous costs, I have other job opportunities and earnings. Social security will still be there for me. If I’m smart and a little lucky, I can make my money work for me.
Write down as many positive ideas about money as possible.
Now that you’ve finished on a (hopefully) positive note, write down more positive ideas about money. You don’t need to hold onto these beliefs now – rather, think about how you would like to think about your finances. Ways to change your money history. Especially rewrite your negative ideas in a positive way. Here are some examples from Steinberg’s book,
- Money can be a force for good.
- The growth in my savings account reflects how much I value myself.
- Money is a spiritual expression.
- It’s perfectly okay to ask for what I want and need.
Repeat these new positive statements – it can change your behavior and your story. You can go from someone who “just doesn’t get paid” to someone who is “actively pursuing their financial future.”
Instead of thinking, “No matter how hard I try, I cannot save,” change your story to “Save is easy because I value my future.”
Disconnecting from your finances will simply cost you more money. Instead of sitting back, rethink your money history in a positive way and take control of your finances.