How to Control the Conversation, According to the Mistress
Regardless of whether you are interested in the services of a dominatrix or not, you must admit that it takes a lot of skill to manage another person. Even if they ask for it.
Former Ms. Kasia Urbaniak leads a class for professionals who want to be a little bolder and more powerful in the boardroom. Some people turn to Urbaniak because they certainly want to bring some of this dominatrix energy into their relationships, but there are actually several practical applications of her skills in all sorts of scenarios where gaining control should be encouraged. Apart from whips and chains, there are several ways the dominatrix asserts its dominance .
Ask questions back
Is someone making you uncomfortable at work? Are they asking you personal questions? Well, first, notify HR immediately. There are times when someone does not even behave sexually, he is just trying to confuse you with his interest in extraneous matters. You can also use this strategy, which Urbaniak shared with the Guardian, to turn the conversation around:
When a man asks a woman an uncomfortable question, starting with “How old are you?” or “Do you like threesomes?” to “Would you like to go upstairs to have sex?”, a woman can change the dynamics of power as she plays.
To do this, the woman could ask: “Why are you asking this question? Do you have a fantasy now? What good is it to know how old I am? Are you looking for mom? “
Again, I prefer you to report them to HR, but answering a question with another question can be a very effective tactic to get the intrusive person to shut up.
Focus outward
It’s still easy to talk about ourselves, even when we don’t want to. It can also be a force of habit for many women who are socially conditioned to be polite or compliant. Urbaniak told Business Insider that she noticed that women often base what they say on their own experience, using a variety of “I” statements. This is diplomatic, but puts you in a position of submission:
“If I talk about myself from my own experience, I am pulling you into my experience, I am the subject,” said Urbaniak. “In a way, I’m like the submissive of the dominatrix session.”
She claims that paying attention to what the other person is feeling and doing is “a key ingredient for strong bonds and leadership.”
If you’re going for an interview, for example, you’d better talk about the company and what you think should be done there, rather than your past experiences elsewhere.
Get clear
One of Urbaniak’s lessons is a course in verbal self-defense that goes beyond the question-for-question concept. One way to be successful (in words) is to never be ambiguous:
She gives her students an example of how to refute a veiled sentence, for example, if someone says, “I just want to get to know you better.”
She proposes to confront such veiled ambiguity by being crystal clear:
“It looks like you are no longer interested in talking about business, and it looks like getting to know each other might mean something different to me than it does to you. It’s true?”
I like it better! And this is something that can be used in moments when someone is not necessarily irrelevant, but just annoyingly vague. Let’s get rid of the bullshit guys.
Don’t claim low running costs
Women often state that they do not require much care, meaning that they are frivolous and do not demand much, as if it is good. According to Urbianik, they don’t really require a minimum of maintenance, they just make sacrifices for what they need, in the workplace or at home. And it just causes resentment, because you will never be rewarded for denying yourself what you really need that no one knows about.
“She doesn’t get paid because she’s not really helping anyone,” she said.
In general, the ability to be hypersensitive to people’s needs can be the key to good leadership skills because you understand how things work and where problems can arise. You just need to be able to articulate and meet your own needs. Make the world obey you.