The Difference Between Pathological and Obsessive Lies (and Why It Matters)
Generally speaking, lying is not considered positive. But not all lies are the same. There is a wide range of lies, from small lies that do no harm to large, massive lies that can do serious harm.
And when a person often lies, the terms “pathological” and “compulsive” are often used. But they are not the same thing. In an interview with Well + Good, clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains the difference between compulsive and pathological lying. Here’s what you need to know.
Difference between pathological and compulsive lying
Both pathological and compulsive lies are made out of habit, making it difficult to determine if something a person says is accurate or involves some degree of lying (or withholding information). In addition, Durvasula says that both types of lying are usually defense mechanisms or coping mechanisms that a person develops in early childhood in response to trauma.
But beyond that, there are key differences between pathological and compulsive lying. This is how Durvasula parses it :
Pathological lie
- Lying includes manipulation to avoid accusations, get out of trouble, save face, or get your way in a situation.
- It often includes more than simple lies, namely “a complex web of lies for personal gain,” which usually “comes at the expense of others,” says Durvasula.
- The lying person may lack empathy or awareness (or both) of how their behavior affects others.
- This “tends to coexist with a narcissistic streak or narcissistic personality disorder,” says Durvasula, “although this is not always the case.
Compulsive lies
- This happens purely out of habit, often for little or no apparent reason.
- This usually has no (if any) consequences.
- The person seems comfortable / familiar.
- “The compulsive liar will tend to lie in situations with low or no stakes, perhaps by saying that they went to a certain resting place when they didn’t, or lied about what they watched on TV the night before.” – explains Durvasula.
Why is it important
According to Durvasula, when it comes to pathological and compulsive lying, it is not only the frequency that matters, but also the type of lie and the person’s intentions. “It’s when these little lies become the norm and are interspersed with more heinous lies with a capital letter, that the problem more clearly boils down to deception and mistrust,” she says.
Once your trust in someone begins to wane, you may need to rethink your relationship with them – whether you are a colleague, romantic partner, family member, platonic friend, or anyone else. “If you are dealing with any important information that must be accurate, be sure to get confirmation of this information from someone else,” advises Durvasula .
Finally, if you catch a person lying, Durvasula says that you should avoid confronting him about it, especially if his lies tend to be pathological. This is because there is a good chance that challenging them will cause the person to become defensive and / or in denial, and as she points out, your time and energy is better spent getting the facts elsewhere.