How to (Try To) Keep Your Child From Melting During the Holidays
While we may feel nostalgic about what the holidays were like for us as children, being a parent at this time of year is not easy. There is constant sugar, disruption to your child’s schedule, heightened expectation of gifts, and all the other overly stimulating holidays.
“Kids love the routine,” said Jason Kahn, child development expert and co-founder of Mightier .
Going from their predictable school schedule, regular lunchtime, and frequent bedtime to hectic holidays can be unsettling, even if they get excited about it. “This is a big change for a child,” said Kahn. “The line between this stimulation and the breakdown is razor thin.”
Prepare them in advance
It’s helpful to start out by remembering that this is the first time our children are going through this; they are not used to the hustle and bustle of the holidays, as we are. If you want to prevent breakdowns, you need to make sure that they have some idea of what awaits them and how to deal with it.
“The more you can preview the activities, the more accurately you can formulate clear expectations, the more accurately you can establish the structure, the better your child will be,” said Kahn.
One way to do this is to tell your child what he thinks will happen, rather than what will actually happen, because his assumptions may be inaccurate. It is also a time to articulate your expectations of them, whether it is that they will be forced to sit at the dinner table during the entire family meal, or that they will be waiting for their turn to open their gifts.
Involve them in the planning process
Some of the holiday expectations can be hard on your child, be it your shy child being asked to hang out with a large family, or your hyperactive child being asked to sit quietly for extended periods of time. When it comes to getting your child to do things that are difficult for them, getting them involved in the planning process can help give them a sense of control. “It’s nice to have some leeway,” Kahn said.
Instead of just ordering your child to do something they don’t like, talk it over with them ahead of time and help them come up with a plan that works for them. For example, if they have to sit still while dining with a large family, you can offer them a choice of a coloring book or toy to help them cope. If asked to sit next to a stranger in the family, you can offer them several topics of conversation or ways in which they can answer certain questions.
Expect them to melt anyway
No matter how you prepare your child for what awaits him, and help him come up with a plan for what to do, in any case, at least one or two breakdowns are likely to occur. When this happens, remember that this is normal. They – and maybe you too – are overly aroused and are working on their emotions.
“The first thing you want to do is make your child feel safe so they can return to a place where they can talk to you,” Kahn said.