How to Be a “beacon Parent”
It seems like every week there’s a new parenting style with a clever name or idea behind it. You may have heard of ” babysitting “, where you sit down and watch your children from afar. It sounds exactly like what most parents do all day, every day – someone just gave it a cool nickname and shared it on Instagram. There are no studies to show whether this benefits your children in any way.
On the other hand, there is lighthouse parenting. What sets this style apart from other parenting styles is that the American Academy of Pediatrics supports its well-researched concepts: balancing the need to be loving, warm, and responsive to your children while holding them accountable for their actions by holding them responsibility and protecting them from danger.
“Essentially it says, ‘Be like a lighthouse, a steady force on the shore that your children can measure themselves against and return to. Look down at the rocks and make sure your child won’t fall to his death on them. and imagine that your child will have to learn to ride them. Your job is to prepare him for it,” says Kenneth Ginsburg , MD, MA, FAAP, a pediatrician specializing in adolescent medicine at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and author of Raising Children to Thrive: Balancing Love with Expectations and protection with trust.” Chances are, you’re already putting some of the principles of this science-based, common-sense approach to parenting into practice.
Set reasonable limits
As parents, we love our children unconditionally, but that love doesn’t mean you pat them on the back, praise them, or give them the freedom to run their home. You may not like everything they do, but you expect them to grow up to be a loving and respectful person who knows who they are, so don’t let them be rude or hurtful to others.
“Your job is to shape and guide your child,” Ginsburg says. “It’s part of what love is. Love prepares them. Love takes care of them. Love expects them to be their best selves.”
Let your children fail
People make mistakes all the time: it’s what makes us who we are, and hopefully we learn from our mistakes. If we don’t let little people make mistakes, will they learn anything? Children won’t know how to recover from failure if they’ve never been disappointed. Instead of doing things for them or correcting their mistakes, show them how to do better and strive for even more.
“When we model how we change a plan to come up with a better one because our first plan didn’t work, we teach kids how to bounce back,” Ginsburg says.
Maintain reasonable expectations
Parents should praise their children and expect them to put in vigorous effort, but pushing them to get the best grades or win every award will backfire. All they learn from this misplaced encouragement is that they will never be satisfactory in your eyes. Instead, reinforce traits and qualities to help them bring goodness into the world and model who you want your child to become.
“If high expectations come from knowing who your child really is, his deep goodness, human humility, kindness, generosity and compassion, and you hold yourself to that standard, then you become a beacon for him,” Ginsberg says.
Don’t hover over your children
Lighthouse parenting doesn’t mean you compromise your child’s safety; You won’t let them put their hand on a hot stove or get into a car with a drunk driver. However, if you spend almost every minute of the day supervising your children or doing homework, you are sending them the message that they cannot do things on their own. Ginsberg says the best way to protect your child is to prepare him for the real world.
“If they get better grades today, what will happen in college,” he says. “Are you going to write an essay for them? Are you going to keep a schedule for them? [Raising children] is about preparing for the real world with an eye toward long-term, authentic success.”
Let them express themselves
Children learn to deal with their feelings, and the role of a parent is to show them how to deal with them. However, Ginsberg says you should never tell your child that they are too sensitive or worry too much.
“What you’re saying is, ‘Your superpower is how much you care. However, when you care so much, sometimes it hurts. Your journey is to learn to use your strengths and deal with all these feelings. so many other people when you find out,” Ginsberg adds.
Let them know you are there for them
Parents should encourage constructive communication, but they also always ask Ginsburg what to say to their children so they know she is there for them. He responds by telling parents that they don’t have to choose the perfect words for their children.
“You have to show by your presence that you’re not going anywhere,” he says. “You are coming. You support your children. You say, “I don’t have an immediate answer. But I know you’re not going to go through this alone.”