What TikTok’s Ketchup Challenge Really Says About Your Relationship
At first glance, the viral social media trend known as the “ketchup challenge” may seem like TikTok’s latest home hack involving cleaning up using a common condiment. And while cleaning is (sort of) part of it, the actual purpose appears to be to secretly test a romantic partner.
Similar to the ” orange peel theory “, the ketchup test is used as a kind of relationship test in which one person (usually a woman) deliberately splashes some ketchup on the kitchen counter or table and then asks their partner (usually a woman) about it. dude) to clean it. Naturally, the whole thing is filmed and posted to TikTok or Instagram, where commenters can judge the person’s ability (or lack thereof) to effectively clean up a simple mess rather than smearing it around and making the situation worse.
Obviously, there’s a lot more to it than just ketchup, but of all the relationship “challenges” floating around the internet, which one has struck a nerve? Two clinical psychologists who specialize in relationships explain.
What can the ketchup challenge tell us about relationships?
“While some ketchup videos are clearly choreographed and designed to grab attention, others are made as an experiment,” says Carla Marie Manley, Ph.D. , a clinical psychologist specializing in relationships, and author of the forthcoming book The Joy of Imperfect Love: The Art of Creating Healthy, Secure Relationships (March 4, 2024).
“Those who use ketchup to observe a partner’s genuine reaction to a kitchen mess are interested in determining whether the partner will handle the situation in a mature manner,” Manley says. For example, they may view their partner’s willingness to clean up the kitchen as an indicator of their willingness to deal with other unpleasant situations in life, and use the ketchup challenge as a test of their partner’s overall level of emotional maturity. “However, as a psychologist, it is unlikely that a partner’s response to one ketchup task correlates with their overall ability to manage other aspects of their life in a healthy way.”
While Manley says it’s natural to unconsciously test your partner in a relationship, especially during the dating phase, if you do it consciously and on a regular basis, it could be a sign of passive aggressiveness. , fear of open communication or potentially controlling behavior.
Plus, there are probably better ways to deal with problems with your partner.
“These social media tests are not an effective way to assess your relationships,” says Chloe Carmichael, Ph.D. , a clinical psychologist specializing in relationship issues and stress management and author of Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety (2021). “It’s completely weird to intentionally make a mess and then ask your partner to clean it up without explanation.”
Why did the ketchup challenge affect so many people?
In some cases, a person’s response to the ketchup challenge may be evidence of overtly negative behavior, such as laziness or purposeful incompetence, Manley explains. “When troubling issues such as willful incompetence arise, many people, especially women who tend to experience imbalance in their relationships, can feel quite anxious,” she says. “Additionally, feelings of anger and irritation can arise when ketchup issues show a truly passive-aggressive streak.”
According to Carmichael, such tests are not only passive-aggressive, but also “a little dysfunctional” and “quite intrusive and disrespectful,” especially if one partner is filming the other without their consent. “However, I would say this with a caveat: every relationship is different. And some couples may have a habit of making fun of each other purely for fun, and there is no hidden subtext or more important conversation: just a completely meaningless joke.”
Could the ketchup challenge be beneficial?
Most people probably don’t make important decisions about their relationships based on social media issues related to ketchup. But even if it starts out as a joke, there’s no guarantee it won’t cause lingering problems or resentment.
“It’s important to remember that experiments like the ketchup challenge are best used to spark humor, discussion, and connection in a relationship,” says Manley. “If you do an experiment and you like (or don’t like) your partner’s reaction, use the result as an experience in building a connecting relationship.”
As an alternative, Carmichael recommends skipping the ketchup altogether and having an open conversation with your partner about each of your contributions to the household labor, including how to share responsibility together.