How to Become a Person Who Cleans
Some people have a harder time finding the motivation to clean than others. Whether your home has become a place that feels unmanageable and overwhelming, or you’ve always had an aversion to cleaning, it can take a real toll on you. The point is, you really need to clean up (or call for backup) because living in a clean, sanitary environment is good for your physical and mental health. Here’s what to do if you’re really struggling.
Conduct a self-assessment of your reluctance to clean.
The first thing you need to do is do a self-assessment, says Leslie Connor, Ph.D. , a licensed psychologist who recently retired after 32 years of practice, says this. Ask yourself honestly what you are struggling with and how you can overcome it. Overall, Connor is a major proponent of self-talk. You can and should challenge and support yourself, and to do this you need to be honest with yourself without being too self-critical.
Instead of talking to yourself, she calls it “self-attitude”: “It’s how you interact with yourself when you’re faced with something difficult.” To evaluate yourself, start by asking yourself what you think is true about yourself, but do it in a way that doesn’t involve shame. For example, you may know that you are a procrastinator or someone who simply doesn’t like cleaning and would never want to do it in their free time. Say these things objectively, because “if you create shame and wag your finger, you will turn off self-reflection.”
Another way to do this is to ask someone else, such as a trusted friend or even a therapist. Ask someone you trust to be honest with you about your qualities and self-worth. Do they see you as a procrastinator? Like a restless person? As a person who puts off doing difficult things? Knowing yourself is the first step to figuring out what’s really stopping you from cleaning.
Do the hard things (sorry!)
In conversation with Connor and Dr. Joseph Ferrari , the Vincent de Paul Distinguished Professor of Psychology at DePaul University, one theme kept coming up, and you may not like it: Do your best to do the hard things. Ferrari talks about avoiding excuses, pointing out that people are “good at making excuses” but are also logical and able to recognize what needs to be done. Connor also says that at the core of resistance to cleaning (or anything else that needs to be done) are life skills that you just need to develop, including doing things you don’t want to do. She adds that you can take a “cheers” approach here, focusing not necessarily on how difficult it will be to complete the task you’re avoiding, but on how satisfying it will be when you finish. However, don’t do it for the ego. Do this with the knowledge that eventually you will be able to say, “Thank God. I feel great. Now I can go and put my feet up.
There was something else that Connor and Ferrari agreed on that might make you feel better. People can change. You can change. You may never become a cleaning enthusiast , but you may very well become one who does it. After all, this is essentially the basis of psychology: the idea that people can change.
“The optimal environment for growth is a combination of support and challenge,” says Connor. You will really have to challenge yourself by supporting yourself, but you can change. She says you need to “develop the muscles to do the things you don’t want to do.” How do you do it? “By doing this.”
Don’t overload yourself
It’s one thing to say that you have to do hard things in life even if you don’t want to. It’s another thing to actually do them. Dr. Linda Sapadin , psychologist, coach and author, says: “Don’t overwhelm yourself. Start small. Do it little by little, like putting your clothes away in your bedroom. Then reward yourself with a pat on the back and a “good job.” With a smile on your face, move on to the next task and start humming a tune to yourself with some made-up words, such as “I’m going, I’m going, I’m going to do this.” Hooray!”
Connor advises setting a goal to clean for “10 minutes a day, period, end of sentence.” If you can go longer, do so. Just because you have to do something difficult that you don’t want to do doesn’t mean you have to do it all at once. Being overwhelmed won’t help you, but cutting back will.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Despite all the self-talk, motivation, and determination you could use, there are still times when you don’t feel like you can do it. Whatever you do, don’t be defeatist. People constantly ask for help on various issues. You can ask for help with cleaning.
One option is to recruit a friend. Ferrari notes that experts from the Anti-Disorganization Institute offer important advice here: If you’re trying to get organized, don’t touch your things yourself. Ferrari criticizes the popular belief that you should keep things that bring you joy because, again, people make great excuses. You can justify keeping a wide variety of things if you give yourself the opportunity, so “if you pick up an item and touch it, you’re more likely to keep it.” Instead: “Have someone else pick it up and say, ‘Do you need this?’ Do you want this?’” A little pressure caused by someone else holding an item you don’t really want can push you to finally part with it.
However, in addition to friends, you can turn to professionals. Consider talking to a therapist for a deeper self-assessment, says Connor, so you can get to the root cause of what’s stopping you from getting clean. As for the cleaning itself, call service if necessary. She says, “You don’t want to create a situation where there’s no win. If you solve a problem and can implement it, that’s a win.”
Panicking, procrastinating, or unkind self-talk won’t bring order to your home—and that’s not a win. Victory may include overcoming your own aversion to cleaning or overcoming your hesitancy to call for reinforcements. Victory is victory. Focus on winning. Plus, if you call the cleaning service, Connor and Sapadin will tell you that you still have to prepare for their arrival. This may prompt you to do a little cleaning. In fact, this is what helps me when I’m feeling down. I schedule a house cleaning for the end of the week and then spend the week cleaning, fueled by the pressure that comes from knowing a stranger is about to see my house. When my apartment is dirty, I never invite friends over, so the idea of them helping me is out of the question. But a stranger? The stranger I’m paying to ? This is an incentive. According to Ferrari, when you pay for something and you have skin in the game, you’re more likely to use it and get something out of it, so in some cases it’s better to hire a professional than to ask a friend to help you for free .
“Outside help is always good if you can afford it,” says Sapadin, “but don’t rely on it every day. You don’t want to end up with a week’s worth of dirty dishes in the sink when the cleaning lady arrives. A lot of people are motivated to clean up after the janitor, which means putting things away so the janitor can do the hard work.”
It may take some time, a few starts and stops, and some self-improvement (and some monetary investment), but you can do it. Psychologists have built their entire field and career on the belief that you can change and do what needs to be done. You are not alone, but you need to motivate yourself and get to work.