How Limiting Your Child’s Food for the Holidays Could Backfire
Lollipops. Gingerbread houses. And so many cookies. The holidays are that time of year when we indulge our taste buds and indulge our sweet tooth. Depending on your relationship with food, it’s either the most wonderful time of year or, if you’re on a diet, a minefield of guilt.
“We want to help people understand that dieting won’t make them happy,” says Elise Resch, RD, registered dietitian and co-author of Intuitive Eating . “To go into the holiday season on a diet is obviously going to cause some kind of rebellion.”
If you’re part of a group that feels guilty and ashamed about holiday indulgences, your feelings about food may rub off on your children. This can lead to them developing their own complex and unhealthy relationship with food. We’ll cover how to inspire children to trust the food served at holiday celebrations and the unintended consequences of restricting their diet.
What is intuitive eating?
To understand how parents and children can improve their relationship with food, we need to explain the concept of intuitive eating. Intuitive eating means you trust your body to choose foods that make you feel better. This is a philosophy that directly opposes diets that completely restrict or prohibit certain foods.
Resch describes the idea as like feeding a baby. Whether fed from the breast or bottle, newborns intuitively know when they are hungry and stop when their stomach is full. As we age, the food cues we were tuned to as children weaken, often because food culture can change the way we view food. This causes us to disrespect our hunger and not deprive ourselves of what we want, thereby making that desire more desirable.
“Intuitive eating is about helping people get back to what we knew when we were born,” Resch says.
Don’t tell your kids “just one cookie.”
The idea that children (and adults, for that matter) want what they can’t get also applies to food. It also sends the wrong message about what we eat.
For example, if you tell your child that he can only have one cookie at a family gathering, he will probably want more. Eating becomes much more interesting than anything else that is on the table in front of them. Then they will feel embarrassed for wanting more than one cookie.
“You say, ‘I can’t trust you to know what you need,'” Resch says. “You develop shame in a child when you limit what he is allowed to have. You don’t develop a sense that he can just tune in to himself.”
A lack of trust is also felt when children are told to wash their dishes even if they say they are finished. We want to enjoy food, and when children have to finish eating, they learn not to trust that their stomach is full, which makes them feel unsatisfied.
They’re not going to just eat desserts.
Most parents assume that their children will eat nothing but candy and cake at a family gathering if left to their own devices. But if we encourage a positive attitude towards food from the beginning, they will choose what interests them most, rather than hanging out solely at the dessert table.
While Resch acknowledges that not every parent can provide a variety of foods for their family, creating a positive association with what your children eat can start with sitting down together and enjoying food when you can. Children will want to eat what you’re interested in, and it should be there when they come to the table.
“When kids are allowed to choose what they like and not eat what they don’t like, they will eat more than just candy because other foods will look very interesting,” Resch says.
Lead by example
When adults indulge, they usually say something like, “I’d rather watch this tomorrow.” If they’re sticking to their diet, they might say something like, “I’m much closer to my goal weight.” Statements like these can begin to destroy our relationship with food. Food provides nutrition, and talking negatively about it does not send a positive message to our children.
As a general rule, parents working on their relationship with food should not talk negatively about their bodies or their children’s bodies. It is only through this example that children learn that their parents are not happy with what they eat and should control what they consume.
“I want to show parents a little compassion,” Resch says. “They are concerned that they will be criticized and not good parents if they do not control their children’s nutrition.”
Don’t worry about what other family members think
Everyone has different ideas about food, so if you’re worried that grandparents will comment on what your child is eating, let them know in advance how things are in your home and that they shouldn’t comment on food.
However, you can’t control other people’s actions, so be upfront with your children and let them know that they can ignore any comments from another family member about what they eat.
“You need to be able to tell them that not everyone’s home works the same way as yours,” Resch says.
When asked whether parents or children should make New Year’s resolutions regarding diet, Resch answers with two words: “Absolutely not.”