Why You Shouldn’t Force Your Kids to Play Sports (and What You Should Do Instead)
There is a lot of discussion about the risks of kids participating in sports leagues, but if parents are thoughtful about it, these leagues can be a great way to keep kids physically active. A sports league can also help children develop social skills by working collaboratively with their peers.
“You may be able to spark some interest in something they really like,” says Katherine Butz, Ph.D., senior associate chief of pediatric psychology at Nationwide Children’s Hospital, who often works with student-athletes.
Of course, there is a downside: forcing children to engage in activities at an early age can backfire. Forcing our children to play sports can have negative consequences, such as decreased self-esteem, increased stress and potential burnout, so it’s important to recognize the signs that they may not be enjoying their chosen sport as much as you might hope.
Let them feel the situation
When my boys started getting interested in sports, I became concerned about the financial investment. The cost of gloves, bats, skates, cleats, racquets and other items can add up quickly, and if they lose interest after a couple of weeks, that means there’s a lot of money collecting dust in the garage.
Instead of blindly investing in a bunch of sports equipment, try to find a place where your kids can try something out first. City parks and recreation departments offer low-cost activities that help kids learn the basics of sports, allowing them to find something they enjoy instead of forcing us to find it for them. For my boys, it’s a fun and relaxed situation that gives them the basics without having to worry about winning and losing. However, I have one rule: they must complete all training for the season.
“Parents are called upon to mold and provide opportunities for their child, as well as provide feedback that is often long-lasting,” Butz says. “If you allow them to stop exercising prematurely, they may take on that cue.”
Tell your kids what they’re getting into.
Playing contact sports comes with some risks. If your child wants to play soccer, they are more likely to get a concussion than if they play volleyball, for example. If they are concerned about some of the dangers associated with playing sports, it is important to be transparent without getting carried away.
“I wouldn’t want to scare them because with some kids that might never happen, especially with the position they play,” Butz said.
Play with them even if you’re bad
I’m a terrible soccer player, but if my son wants to play outside, I’ll drop everything and join him. He doesn’t care that I’m bad at it; he just enjoys being outside and doing what he loves.
“We continued to play tennis as a family, even though we were terrible, and now [my son] is obsessed with tennis,” Butz says. “I think you can really encourage kids by participating with them.”
Stay away
Despite what the movies Varsity Blues and Friday Night Lights would have you believe, parents likely won’t force their kids to play sports solely to relive their glory days or vicariously relive their children’s accomplishments. However, according to Butz, while parental involvement and feedback can be good, it can create unintended expectations and pressure on children. It’s a fine line, so try to choose a moment when they will be most receptive to what you have to say.
“The key is to give coaches the opportunity to coach and ask your child if they want feedback from you,” Butz says.
Look for signals
Butz is typically asked to intervene when parents see some resistance from student-athletes attending practices or games. But these are just some of the signs that a child may exhibit that indicate that he is not interested in playing sports.
“I think any kind of behavioral dysregulation, acting out, changes in their behavior that you wouldn’t normally notice, their sleep being disturbed or them not eating enough, could be signs that something is wrong,” she says.
It may not even be due to a lack of interest in what they are playing. Academics and sports are often intertwined, and the child may experience stress due to the workload. Butz says you know your kids best, so if something doesn’t seem right, it’s time to communicate with them and get to the bottom of things.
Make sure they’re having fun
Sports are supposed to be fun, but sometimes leagues can get very stressful, even in elementary and middle school leagues, causing kids to burn out early. Check in with your child regularly to make sure he is not becoming overwhelmed.
“It’s really important to [check in regularly] not only to ensure their longevity in the sport, but just to see how they’re doing mentally,” Butz says.
Find an alternative
If your child seems to be struggling to find a sport they enjoy (pun intended), don’t worry. There are other non-league activities that children can use to try to give them the physical activity and social skills they need for adulthood, such as the sports skills practices mentioned earlier. If the team aspect is a challenge for your child, there are many sports that kids can do on their own, such as running or exploring a skill or talent that interests them.
“I think the main thing is to encourage kids to explore many different interests and see you where they land,” Butz says.