How to Talk to Your Parents About Their Estate Plans Without Making It Awkward
Talking about money can cause tension and misunderstandings between family members. Bring attention to retirement and estate planning, as well as your aging parents, and you’ve come up with a conversation no one really wants to have. I’ve previously shared how older parents can discuss this topic with their older children, but what about the opposite? How can adult children talk to their parents about their pension, inheritance and other long-term financial plans?
Discussing retirement plans with aging parents can be difficult, but it is a necessary conversation. As your parents grow older, they will need support and help planning for their golden years. I spoke with Mitch Mitchell, Associate Counsel at Trust & Will , to get tips on navigating this important financial conversation with your parents.
Pick a good time
Choose a time when you and your parents are relaxed and not rushed or stressed. Don’t bring up the topic of retirement during large family gatherings or holidays. Instead, set aside a separate time just for this discussion.
Come prepared
Before the conversation, think about what questions you want to ask. Write down topics such as living arrangements, finances, health care, estate planning, community activities, etc. This will help the discussion stay focused and productive.
If you’re (understandably) struggling to find the right words, Mitchell offers this sample script: “Listen, Mom/Dad. I want to fulfill your wish. But I can’t do this if I don’t know your desires. The key is to frame the conversation around their wants and needs, rather than any selfish motives on your part.
Listen more than you talk
According to Mitchell, there are two obstacles here: the first is our societal fears about talking about money in general; the second is our reluctance to think about the death of ourselves or our loved ones.
Enter into the conversation with an open mind. Allow parents to share their thoughts and wishes before imposing their opinions. Active listening is key here. Don’t reject or argue with their plans right away.
Discuss their goals
Ask what your parents see in their retirement years. Do they dream of traveling or spending time with their grandchildren? Get a feel for how they want to spend their time and what brings them joy. This will give an idea of what kind of lifestyle and financial situation suits them best.
Solve any problems
Mitchell advises expressing concerns about their health and well-being in a caring and non-judgmental manner. Your role is to kindly share potential problems, not dictate what they should do. Aging parents may need a little push to address issues such as declining health, isolation or financial concerns.
To break the ice, Mitchell offers another tip: Talk about family planning first. Especially if you have young children, talk to parents about how uncomfortable it was to think about your own wishes at the end of life. It’s inconvenient, but it’s necessary—and you’re glad you did it.
Presented options
Offer options such as moving closer to family, moving to a smaller home, participating in senior activities, or meeting with a financial advisor. Provide resources without insisting that they follow your advice. Compassionately guide them to make wise choices.
Make a plan for further action
Mitchell reports that there will be more than one conversation. Schedule regular visits to continue the conversation about retirement. Discuss any updates to their plans or needs. Be available as a resource and supportive advocate. With continued cooperation, you can help your parents ensure a comfortable and enjoyable retirement.
Discussing retirement plans for aging parents may seem awkward, but it is a wise and caring step for everyone involved. Keep communication open as their needs and wants evolve. With patience and compassion, you can have productive negotiations and make their golden years truly happy.
For more advice on all estate planning topics, visit Trust & Will resources here .