Evil Week: Pass Off Cheap Baked Goods As Expensive

Welcome to Evil Week , our annual dive into all the slightly sketchy life hacks that we usually refrain from recommending. Want to snag free drinks, play challenging mind games, or launder some money? We have all the information we need to successfully engage in questionable behavior.

I’m usually in the business of turning store-bought items into something homemade, like manipulating a frozen pie crust to trick your family into thinking it was made from scratch. However, such deception only works for family members who value effort and skill. What about those idiots who only care about value, status and brands? You can’t come to Thanksgiving with homemade humble pie. You better come with a fancy box of designer cakes. Here’s how to fake it.

Receive the package first

You have two options here: buy large quantities of high-quality baked goods and blow your budget for a relative who never really liked you (she married into the family anyway!), or fake it out with cheaper (but still delicious) baked goods. product. . To effectively counterfeit it, you need real packaging. Most boogie bakeries like to show off, so they have branded boxes and tissue paper. So go to the store and ask for some. If you’re comfortable lying down right away, say that your mom just bought cookies, but you think you’ll need a box. The staff will often be happy to provide you with packaging without spending any money. You can also order something – maybe some cookies on the way home? – and request packaging. Even if one cookie isn’t the right size, they usually don’t care. Sometimes you can be completely honest and say that you just want them packaged. Assess the situation and add a few extra words of gratitude.

Fill the box carefully

Just like Indiana Jones replaced a golden idol with a bag of sand, you’ll need a cheap replacement that will fool someone who isn’t really paying attention. Remember: low cost does not necessarily mean low quality. The best options are baked goods made from scratch or semi-cooked at home. Factory-made perforated cookies and brownies like Entemann’s are a safe bet. Instead, visit the baked goods section of your favorite supermarket. Stores such as Shoprite, Publix, Whole Foods and Wegmans have bakery employees who bake most of the products themselves. They scoop real cookies and fill real pies for the prices they charge at a high-end bakery. ( Here, learn about all the other ways grocery store bakeries can help you.)

Sometimes you can even make a reservation and ask for minor adjustments. Trying to pass off grocery cookies as giant Levine cookies? See if the bakers will make double the cookie dough for you. Or ask if you can buy raw cookie dough and adjust your baking at home to suit your needs. Trying to trick your annoying cousin who is obsessed with the giant brownies they once bought at Amy’s Bread? Ask bakers at the grocery store to leave the brownie sheet uncut. ( Ghirardelli and White Lily also have great boxed mixes that you can cut into any size at home.) Then all that’s left to do is neatly arrange the inexpensive baked goods in a bougie baking box, and you’re done. ready to go on stage.

You can fake almost anything as long as the bakery in question has recognizable packaging you can get. Try it on bagels, pasta, doughnuts, muffins, banana pudding or full-size brownies. The trick is most effective when applied to “victims” who cannot tell the difference between the real thing and the fake, although they pretend they can, i.e. those family members who value expensive things highly but do not really do so. . I know why. (They’re easy to spot: they’re the ones with their heads up.) Give your very expensive goodies to your uncle who always asks, “How much money are you making this year” without even asking. Maybe this will shut him up.