What It Means to Be a “twice Exceptional” Child (and How to Support Them)

There is no clear definition of what it means to be “gifted” and the identification of the gifted can vary widely from state to state and even borough to borough . But when a child is identified as “gifted” and has any condition that qualifies for special education services (such as a learning difference such as ADHD , autism, or dyslexia , or a mental disorder such as anxiety ), they are considered ” twice exceptional. ” or “2e”. And children who are doubly exceptional, and also have cultural, gender or economic differences, can be called 3e . We spoke with Julie Skolnick, founder of With Understanding Comes Calm and author of the upcoming book Gifted and Distractable: Understanding, Supporting and protecting your twice exceptional child on how best to support 2e and 3e children.

Unique challenges faced by 2e children

The first and most obvious problem that many 2e children face is that they feel different. “These kids often really run to school on the first day with this rage to learn and all of a sudden they look around or are so much taller than their peers,” Skolnick says. She says that the qualities that a gifted person possesses are not only that they can be developed intellectually, but that they also have emotional, sensory, psychomotor power, and an intensity of imagination. These qualities may or may not overlap with other conditions such as sensory processing disorder (SPD) , autism, or ADHD. Skolnick also says that “interesting research is now being done on the increased intersection of giftedness and gender variability.” They can often have asynchronous development, either in the sense that they are advanced in some areas and behind in others, and often feel like perfectionists, which can be related to anxiety.

In addition to feeling different, which may have self-esteem and social issues, 2e children may also struggle with their increased excitability or sensitivity. As examples, Skolnick cites the cafeteria, which she says is a “bastion of sensory madness” with all the sights, smells, tastes, and social dynamics, and, for the same reasons, a bus or a carpool. Some kids even “feel other people’s feelings,” which can be challenging in a busy school. These various stressors can make a child feel like their resilience bucket is empty, Skolnick says.

Finally, the combination of giftedness and education or other differences can be difficult to reconcile. The need to navigate learning in a different way, or learn well in one way but not another, such as a child who learns by ear but is taught visually, can cause confusion and observable behavior from the perspective of a parent or teacher.

How to accommodate a two year old child at school

Skolnick says that whether it’s your school district per se or not, “the gifted are special education,” and gifted students need individual attention. Helping your child’s teacher understand your child can be tricky, which is why Skolnick suggests putting together a one-page sheet about your child, especially if they have a long-term Individual Education Program (IEP) or if they don’t have a Individualized Education Program for the Gifted (called a “GIEP”). in some states). This one page should list your child’s strengths, challenges, what differences work and don’t work, and one thing you want them to know. Skolnick says it should be something that will “broaden their perspective” on your child, such as that they seem reserved but really crave companionship. She advises including a photo of your child “in the flow doing what they love,” like building a LEGO set.

From there, appropriate differentiation is important, although this can be tricky. Skolnick says that while gifted children need intervention on a case-by-case basis, it’s best for everyone involved to “try to create an atmosphere of cooperation” with school staff and try to “give each other the benefit of the doubt.” You all want the best for your child. “Many counties think the AP is about giftedness, but it’s not,” Skolnick says. A child who sits “forward facing and turns to work” is most likely not getting his or her needs met. They don’t need extra work, she says, but “deeper work” where the teacher “asks questions to help the child go deeper and deeper into a topic.” They also need to understand why the work makes sense in order to feel motivated to do it.

If they can articulate it, which depends on many factors including their age, Skolnick says, “you have to include your child in the conversation” and ask, “What will make it better for you?” They may be able to identify certain triggers for their challenging behavior, such as fluorescent lights that are too bright or an invitation to teach when they do not find it helpful for their own learning. If you still feel that your child’s needs are not being met, Skolnick suggests hiring an attorney who specializes in IEPs and gifted children.

How to help your 2nd child at home

It’s important to remember that “behavior is communication,” Skolnick says, and that caregivers should “respond to the trigger, not the behavior.” The environment should change, not the child. She says that just as you make sure that there are no obstacles for a blind child in the classroom, we must accommodate the invisible “disabled” and needs. Congratulate your child for standing up for their needs with their behavior and praise them for choosing not to engage in negative activities. If a child runs to his room during a conflict, congratulate him that he did not knock over the table and yell at his sister. Model this inner thinking in yourself so that your child can articulate it for themselves as well. For example, say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and have something to say that I’m sorry about, so I’m going to take a break.”

Both at school and at home, focus on communication . Skolnick says, “2e children are driven by connection, which can be paradoxical because 2e children have a hard time feeling connected.” Participate on their behalf and work to establish a routine that works for your child.

The best way for a child to succeed at home or at school is to feel that adults accept him for who he is. “When they are in the presence of someone who is receiving them,” Skolnick noticed a reduction in learning difficulties or acting out behaviors. 2nd people, adults and children, often worry when they are finally understood. Skolnick says they can learn the following: “If someone really sees me and really loves me, glorifies me, I can stop fighting with myself.” This leads to adults becoming healthier and happier.