How to Talk to Kids About Guns
This post is part of our Big Conversations series, a guide to help parents navigate the most important conversations they will have with their children. Read more here .
My family doesn’t have firearms, but I live in Arizona where I witnessed someone bring a gun to a children’s entertainment center just because they could. And given my state’s open and concealed carry laws , and his obsession with shooting ranges in malls, the chances of one of my kids playing at home with a gun inside seem high, if not inevitable.
I know I need to introduce my kids to the concept and danger of firearms, but I don’t know how to start the conversation. So I spoke to several experts about how to raise awareness of the dangers of guns and what to do if they ever come across one.
Set boundaries
Starting with James Bond’s Walther PPK, the video game Doom , and the curved bullets in the movie Wanted , the popular media has really romanticized the weapon and how it’s used. Because children are unaware of the harm these weapons can actually do, you can set boundaries for what your children watch and the toys they play with.
“We need to have age-appropriate, open conversations with our kids about the difference between what happens in movies, video games, or TV and what happens in real life,” says Dr. Alison Toti, pediatrician. University of Chicago. “When they get older, you’ll have to talk differently.”
You should talk to your kids about guns even if you don’t have one.
You may not have a pool, but you still teach your children to swim, because there will come a time when they will need to be able to. According to a 2020 Gallup report, 32% of American adults reported owning a gun, and 42% reported living in a home with a gun. That’s one in three American homes with guns, so even if you don’t have one, there’s a high chance your child ends up with a gun somewhere.
According to VeryWell Family , talking about firearm safety should start at preschool age to help dispel the mystery around them. But even if you teach a child that it is dangerous to handle a weapon, he is naturally curious, so there is a good chance that he will touch it if the opportunity arises.
If your child visits another playhouse, you should ask the other parent if there are guns in their house – and this is a tricky question because its purpose can be misunderstood.
“The meaning of the question is, ‘I want my children to be safe,’” says Toti. “You want your kids to go somewhere else sometimes, but maybe if it’s not safe, you can invite their child to your house instead.”
To learn how to handle firearms safely or start a conversation with your kids or other parents, visit the BulletPoints project and be smart.
Teach kids how to be safe with guns
If there’s one thing Toti wants to convince the parents of families with guns in their homes regarding gun safety, it’s to practice what you preach. This may include visiting the shooting range and being shown all safety precautions, explaining why you are not target shooting at home, and keeping ammunition separate from firearms.
“I constantly take care of the kids who find the gun on the table or under the bed” and it looks like a toy,” says Toti. “You want to make sure they know not to touch guns. If a friend picks up a gun, run.”
Explain what to do if they find a gun
Dr. Kelsey Gastineau, a pediatric hospital nurse and clinical instructor at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, recently heard a story from one of her colleagues about how they asked their child what they would do if they saw a firearm. The reaction of the child surprised both Gastineau and her colleague.
“She said, ‘If it was my friend, I would immediately take him away from him, because I would never want him to get hurt,'” says Gastineau. “And [my colleague] said, ‘I like that you want to protect your friend, but I really don’t want you to do that in that situation.’
Gastineau shared that a colleague told the child if they or their friend encounter a weapon, they should immediately put it down and find an adult. However, not a week goes by without a story in your newsfeed about a child being wounded by a gun despite being told to do the right thing. Gastineau suggests keeping your message simple.
“Keep it simple and straight forward,” she says. “But as children get older, firearms can be owned by a child for hunting purposes. Parents should explain why they cannot access their firearms without an adult present.”
Toti adds that you can prepare for any situation by talking openly with your children in a non-threatening tone, without punishment.
“Let them come up with and play with any scenarios,” she says. “It could make the threat more realistic.”