The First Seven Things to Do When Your Child Confesses to You
Throughout their lives, you have worked with your child through many great feelings and experiences, from the first day of school to the mending of broken bones and bruised hearts. Depending on how old they are, chances are you’ve worked out the right answer for almost every situation. However, there are some points that you are not prepared for but that are critical for you to get it right.
For example, there may come a time when your child is confident enough to tell you they are LGBTQ+. While your world will change after this moment, your love for the child will not change. But you may not know how to respond: this is the first thing you should do and express if your child opens up to you.
Say, “Thank you for sharing this with me.”
Your son or daughter needs to trust you enough to share this intimate part of themselves, so if you’re looking for the right words to say, show gratitude for their trust in you and for helping them through this new chapter of their lives. great place to start. Dr. Becky Kennedy, author of The Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be , shared in a recent Instagram post : “It’s a door opening, a new connection point, a strengthening relationship.”
Remember that this moment is about them, not about you.
As a parent, you will obviously have a range of feelings about what your child has shared with you. However, your feelings should not be the focus of your attention at this moment. In an article in Parents, psychologist Dr. Anjali Ferguson advises focusing on three things: managing your emotions, being kind, and staying curious. “Children may be afraid to reveal this information if they are afraid that it will affect your relationship,” she explains. “Be welcoming in your tone and body language so they feel safe in this disclosure with you.”
Ask them how they feel
To make the conversation go more smoothly, child therapist Krystal Britt told Parents that by asking a son or daughter what they’re going through when they confess, you can reassure them it’s okay if they’re not sure how to deal with their new problems. . personality. “The most important thing is to let them know that you are open to questions, that you love them, and that you are interested in this new information about them,” says Britt.
Offer them support
It’s okay to be concerned about your child’s sexual identity, whether you’re concerned about how they are perceived by other classmates, your religious upbringing, or discrimination. What your child needs is your compassion and support. Child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr. Paul Mitrani explained to the Child Mind Institute that despite your strong feelings, “as a parent, you should always go back to see what’s best for your child.”
To add, Mitrani recommends keeping lines of communication open and using language such as: “I’m glad we can discuss this because we want to make sure you’re safe and supported. And whatever decisions you have to make, we want to be the best for you.”
Admit what you don’t know
Sometimes we as parents want to take a moment and act like we know all the answers. But the thing is, we probably don’t know much about what to do next, and that’s perfectly fine. Ferguson explains that your lack of knowledge can help keep you and your child connected. She suggests using language such as, “I’m so glad you were brave enough and comfortable sharing this with me. I understand that I have a lot to learn about this process, but I want to know more about how I can support you.”
Create a safe space
If you’ve been watching the news lately, you know that states are passing controversial anti-LGBTQ+ laws, from Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” bill to attempts to ban gender-affirming health care for transgender youth. Ferguson recommends maintaining an open dialogue about current events and checking your child’s sense of security.
She also recommends checking your home for toys, books, and media that your child may find offensive or harmful. Britt adds that you can also find pride gear and flags online. “Make sure your child knows you’re on his team,” says Britt.
If it’s time to start buying Pride gear, check out:
- This adorable rainbow heart hat
- This “Be You” shirt comes in over a dozen different colors.
- This rainbow shoulder bag
- And, of course, this pride flag
Find support for yourself
Numerous organizations are available to support and guide you through the next stages of your journey, including: