Why You Should Stop Feeling Guilty About Your Child’s Screen Time
Screen time is often frowned upon in our parenting culture. Parents who allow their children to spend unlimited or a lot of time on tablets or in front of the TV are considered “lazy” or inattentive. For some, it’s kind of a status symbol if you don’t even have a TV or if your child has never played video games. The American Academy of Pediatrics has guidelines for how much (or little) screen time is good for kids; kids ages 2 to 5 should not spend more than an hour a day, and those over 6 are told to “limit” screens. For all children, the AAP says, “Avoid using screens as pacifiers, babysitters, or to stop tantrums.”
However, many parents go over the top and use screens to entertain their kids while they cook dinner or, God forbid, take a shower. Some experts are now saying we need to rethink how we use screen time to help reduce parental guilt and see if screen time can be a tool rather than a villain.
Why screens are actually good for kids
At the end of a long, stressful day, do you ever pass out in front of the TV? Yes, you can read or do household chores, but watching TV can calm you down and help you relax. Children feel the same! “Screens can give a sense of closeness, and yes, it can regulate,” says Ash Brandin , a high school teacher and parenting and technology expert. “Children may ask for screens on busy or even ‘fun’ days, such as at an amusement park. Adults may interpret this as children’s ingratitude or their obsession with screens, but often children seek regularity or familiarity on a busy day.”
This may be especially true for neurodivergent children. “For neurodivergent children, in some cases, being behind a screen can make some connections easier. There are places for every unique interest, and if you do a little research and check out the sites, older kids can interact with other people over the Internet in ways they never could in person,” says Jessica Bichkofsky , a psychiatrist and psychologist. parent coach. “Some children with ND may find that screens engage them in ways that keep them focused and allow them to focus, take their time to improve and master something that could have many practical uses in the future.” It’s not just violent video games and pointless TV programs.
Also keep in mind that screens provide education and skills to our children in many ways . We no longer have to “watch what’s coming” but we can help create a positive digital experience for our children. “Given their age, kids have access to digital books and audiobooks, music, instructional videos, academic training like Khan Academy, and creative endeavors like Canva, clips or music-making apps,” says Bichkofsky. This is also the golden age of television for children and adults, with many programs offering Social Emotional Learning (SEL) skills and interesting information. Many apps teach mindfulness and SEL skills in addition to academic skills .
Why screens are good for parents
Parents can use the screens not as a “dummy”, but as a way to make the household more fluid in both practical and emotional terms. Brandin says the screens “fill in systemic gaps that our society has left unfilled.” They say: “Lack of paid parental leave, affordable child care, pre- or after-school care, safe access to the street, universal health care (which requires caregivers to work or work more to afford health care). for their family) … create gaps when trying to take care of children.”
Currently, many households rely on a single individual caregiver to keep the household running and meet the needs of the children. Without the help of something external, including screens, an adult who is constantly in charge of everything at once “will simply result in the adult being so burnt out that he cannot be present or control his child,” says Brandin. Instead, they suggest using screens temporarily as a way to do chores around the house, which “allows that adult to focus solely on the task at hand rather than being torn between dinner and their kids, so the adult can also regulate and relax.” Then, when screen time is over, that adult is likely to be more present and to regulate their children. Everyone will benefit from this.” Bichkofsky also says it’s okay to use short bursts of screen time to ” just take a breather so everyone can get back together feeling ready for a new interaction.” This use of screens can reduce feelings of resentment and reduce the number of times you “lose it” around children because they are overwhelmed.
How to set good boundaries with screens
Using this method may seem like a path to unlimited screen time, but there are ways to walk the line between just the right amount and too much screen time. Bichkofsky says “it can take quite regular tweaking to get it right” but “once you get an idea of the length of time, the types of activities or applications that make things better or worse, it becomes easier to manage before it fails” . hand.”
One way to find out what’s best for your particular child is to take notes on how often screens are a regulatory tool. “If we see that our child always uses the screen by default, this may be the only (or easiest) way for him to satisfy this need. This is a chance for us to intervene and propose other regulatory strategies,” says Brandin. They say we need to give up too much screen time to make model regulation a practice and then set clear boundaries. Instead of being very offended and telling the child “no more screens” or outright refusing screens, they suggest that you say “screens are not available now” or something like “now is the time to do homework. Television will be available at 4:30.” If your child does not agree with this suggestion or does not complete the assignment ahead of time, say “TV time will start as soon as homework is done” so that he understands that the natural consequence of delaying homework is that follow-up activities will be reduced . ” they say.
Avoid using screens as a reward. “When we use screens as a reward, we inadvertently force children to pay more attention to them, not less,” says Brandin. For example, if a child gets a screen, if they do chores or finish homework, they will learn that doing those tasks is only worth the reward. “We want (screens) to be just another part of our lives,” says Brandin. The hope is that your child is intrinsically motivated to complete other tasks, and if not, they are at least not associating their worth with the reward of screens.
Change your attitude towards screens
The screens aren’t going anywhere. “The longer we vilify them, the more caregivers internalize the use of screens as a judgment on their parents,” says Brandin. “This will not reduce screen time; it will simply result in caregivers feeling bad about their upbringing and will likely contribute to the power struggle they have with their children from behind the screens.”
Judging yourself or other parents for their use of screens also “distracts from the systemic inequalities that require the use of screens, which I think is the real root cause,” says Brandin. Instead of criticizing the screens, say “This works for our family” and put your energy into having a good time with your kids and fulfilling many other demands in your life.