The Easiest Way to Make Small Talk Less Painful

Have you ever paused when someone asked you, “What’s your favorite show?” Or: “What kind of music do you like best?” I have. It’s a simple question, but instead of the ice picking exchange of tastes they’re expecting, my interlocutor makes me say “hmmm” while stroking my beard thoughtfully for 18 minutes while I weigh whether Prisoner is really my favorite show, or just some that cool old thing I just drank. (Seriously, watch The Prisoner , it’s so cool.)

These kinds of questions are meant to start a “get to know you” conversation (or a means of instantly judging someone for their pop culture consumption), but they tend to have the opposite effect, causing awkward silences instead of brilliant buzzwords. However, a slight reformulation of the request can stimulate small talk rather than kill him in the cradle.

The power of “recently”

This conversational tip comes from Reddit user Ebuthead in the LifeProTips subsection , and it’s elegant in its simplicity: add the word “recently.” Instead of “What are your favorite podcasts?” Try “What podcasts do you enjoy lately ?” This way, no one gets stuck in a mental loop trying to choose the best thing and can focus on what they are doing right now .

You can even use “interesting” instead of “favorite”. Or try, “What shows have you watched lately?” This takes the pressure off the conversation even more because now you can talk about some podcast you hate or don’t understand.

Adding “recently” to a query is old advice: “Have you read any good books lately?” it’s a classic conversation starter from the days when there were books. It was such a common question that it had a second meaning. It used to be an abbreviation for the conversation: “I’m changing the subject because it’s getting awkward.”

Broad versus specific

Another small talk tip: It’s better to ask specific questions than general ones. People tend to love conversational boundaries. Questions like “What do you like to do?” that’s what Captain Kirk would say to make a hyperintelligent robot self-destruct. I would say: “What do I like to do when ? What do I like to do with whom ? What do I like to do in what context ? Something like: “What do you like to do on Friday night?” is likely to elicit a much more interesting response than “What do you do for fun?”

If all else fails, you can try talking about the weather. I don’t know why, but many people like to talk about the weather.