When to Share Personal Information With Your Child’s Teacher (and When Not)
Teachers get to know our kids pretty well by spending a few hours a day with them, but we can’t expect them to intuitively understand the smallest details of what’s going on outside of school for an entire class of kids. Open communication between parents and teachers is essential, but how much do you share? And how not to cross the line of excessive exchange ?
Dr. Emily W. King , a child psychologist in Raleigh, North Carolina, offers tips on how to talk to teachers about your child’s family life and why it’s important. In a recent newsletter , King wrote that withholding information is an obstacle to parent-teacher collaboration. This is because if your family is experiencing stress at home or your child is receiving services and treatment outside of school, they will bring those stresses and lessons into the classroom with them. The more information teachers have about their students’ personal lives, the more opportunities they have to connect with and support them.
What personal information should you share with your child’s teacher?
For the Child Mind Institute, writer Emily Graham listed seven things you should tell teachers about your child:
- Health status
- Family changes (death, divorce, new siblings, relocation)
- Personality Traits or Behavior Problems
- Advantages and disadvantages
- Learning style
- Study habits
- Special Interests
Much of this information will be revealed in school records or during the getting to know you stages at the beginning of the school year. However, if there are any major changes in the middle of the year, such as a new diagnosis or a family problem, parents should keep teachers in the loop. Expect to hear from teachers if they notice big changes too.
“When it comes to communication between parents and teachers, no news is good news. Teachers will let you know when they are concerned,” King said. “Try to only talk about situations that have become problematic for your child, such as long-term sleep problems, illness, anxiety, or learning frustration, rather than something that only happened once and could be an accident.”
When to Communicate with Teachers
You usually have a couple of formal meetings throughout the year to talk to teachers about how your child is doing in school. But if something has changed at home or could affect your child at school now, don’t wait for the scheduled conference time to discuss it.
“Anything that happens in a child’s life that affects his attention, energy levels, mood or ability to communicate with other people can negatively affect his learning. Leaving the teacher ignorant of these things can put them at a disadvantage of figuring things out on their own and possibly misunderstanding your child,” King said. “However, teachers have minimal time to read emails and messages from parents, so we want to share only the most relevant information with them.”
Keep in mind that while open communication with teachers is important, boundaries are just as important. Try to communicate during regular business hours and give teachers a minute (or a day) to respond.
“There will be exceptions if your child experiences difficulties more often, but in general, keeping boundaries builds trust,” King wrote. Her advice for respecting boundaries: create messages to teachers in the notes app and save them until the next day to review and send. This will help you gain some understanding of difficult topics and respect the teacher’s personal time.
How to share
It’s never too late (or too early) to ask teachers what mode of communication they prefer. Your school may use a messaging app, or teachers may prefer text messages or email.
“Be sure to establish in advance how and when your teacher (and you) communicate best. If your child doesn’t need anything else, then a few parent-teacher conferences a year will likely be enough,” King said. “Again, no news is good news. Always thank teachers for everything they do and present yourself as a collaborative partner in supporting your child.”
However, not every child will be able to meet their needs in the current state of affairs.
“If you are seeking additional support services for your child, it is important to submit any external diagnosis in writing to the teacher and administrator. Sometimes a school counselor is involved and sometimes a school psychologist, but the administrator will be able to guide you through the process of seeking additional support based on the new information you share with the team,” King said.
How to comfortably open up to a teacher
Maybe your child’s teacher is a total stranger and you feel a little weird talking about your family’s private affairs. If your child is going through something, chances are that you are feeling overwhelmed or emotional too. Remember that educators are part of the village helping raise your child and you want them to have all the tools and information they need to do a good job.
“I always recommend sharing all information with all people who will be in contact with your child. If you don’t, adults interacting with your child will always operate from a disadvantage,” King wrote. “If you don’t trust someone on your child’s team, talk to the school administrator about your concerns so they can help build trust rather than keep working with limited information.”
Trust and open communication with teachers will be the basis for helping your child deal with small challenges and big changes during the school year.
“Trust is built on respect for boundaries and support for the teacher’s experience. You are the expert on your child at home and in the community, and the teacher is the expert in the classroom. Respecting your child’s teacher’s point of view builds trust. If you think your child’s teacher needs additional training to understand your child, discuss this with administrators,” King said. “In addition, sharing your time and resources to support your child’s teacher, whether by volunteering or donating materials, will help build trust.”