Maybe You Should Try a Relationship With an Expiration Date
You meet someone while on vacation. Sparks fly. You know you’re not going to date forever, but you want to enjoy your time together: this is an example of dating with an expiration date. In theory, that sounds like a good idea—the two of you enter into a consensual relationship knowing that it won’t last. But is it always a good idea?
“Expiry dates are intentional dates,” says Laurel House , an expert on harmonic relationships. “Only the goal is not forever; it is a goal that varies from person to person, and once it is reached, the relationship ends.”
House says some people meet with breaths when they’re trying to prepare for a relationship, “but they need a bridge to get to the point of readiness.” Others may use what House calls “expiration” to grow and learn from new experiences with a new person who is completely different from their dating norm. Or some may date someone while on vacation purely for fun and socializing. If you’re wondering if expiration dates are right for you, House offers some tips and insight into what it’s like to be in a relationship that has an expiration date.
How long can the expiration date be?
In fact, your “expiration” can last from a few weeks to a year – this is how long it will take to satisfy the need and purpose of its existence. For example, if you met someone during your travels, the expiration date will be pretty clear. Otherwise, House says, you’ll know it’s time to end when you feel like “you’re suddenly awake.”
“It usually happens very suddenly and abruptly, with a strong awareness that the relationship is over,” she explains. “You might even wake up, look at your partner and wonder why you were with them in the first place. And that’s because you have internalized the information, made the transformation, transcended and left the space you were in, and now you are ready to move forward with your new self, and not with your old person.
Benefits of an expiration date
Dating someone just for the fun of knowing it’s over (so it doesn’t take your heart by surprise) are just some of the benefits of dating with an expiration date, but, as House says, it’s best to be honest with your partner. the person you are dating before your expiration date. “That way there is clarity and you don’t get confused about where you are and whether you are on the same page,” she says. “This transparency is a huge benefit because there are no expectations beyond what is. You can fully explore your purpose in a relationship and almost embrace a personal identity that you may not have felt free to explore in other relationships where the end goal is forever.”
Freedom also means you don’t have to be so serious all the time, says House, and you don’t have to constantly hunt for red flags that warn against eternity.
“You can be the host without fear that if you don’t give enough of yourself, they won’t want to be with you for long, because being patient is not the plan,” she explains. “Sometimes it’s nice to just enjoy receiving.”
Lack of expiration date
Humans can’t help but be human, which means we can’t help but react to how our feelings can sometimes develop.
“One-sided feelings can arise that go beyond waiting for an expiration,” House says. “Either you or they can begin to develop real relationship-style feelings that can end up hurting the person experiencing them if those feelings aren’t reciprocated.”
Resentment and anger can also build up if the person about to die does not realize that this was the plan all along. “You can start an expiration date with someone who also seems to be in a random location, so you don’t feel the need to explicitly communicate that intent, but you don’t realize that this is their natural easy start. all relationships until they feel connected enough to really open their hearts and take root in the relationship,” House cautions. “All this time, you’re still just dating on a level of pleasure without laying the roots that will slowly cement your relationship together because that was never the plan and your heart was never open to it.”
Who shouldn’t try an expiration date?
The expiration date is not for everyone. For example, according to House, one who easily and quickly creates attachments should not fall into despair. In addition, “someone with a time frame to move forward in a relationship—to get married or have kids—shouldn’t start something that has to end,” she says. “Also, someone who has children and who loves to involve their children in their relationship by opening their children’s hearts, who then form bonds and affections, should definitely not start expiring if he absolutely does not include his children.”
How can we take care of ourselves emotionally and mentally when the expiration date is running out?
Dates with an expiration date are still dates, which means they can affect you mentally and emotionally, which is why House says it’s so important to be clear about your purpose, both with your mind and heart. “Check in often first with yourself and then with your partner to see how you are feeling and if both of you are still comfortable, satisfied and satisfied with the relationship as it is now, with no hope or expectation that it will ever escalate into something more”. she explains. But House also points out that while the set date of departure upon expiration is predetermined, if that’s the only reason to end the relationship, be open-minded. “If the connection is so strong and meaningful that you want to try it, give it a try,” she says.