Powerful One-Liners Every Parent Needs
When you are faced with a parenting problem—destructive behavior, strong emotions, or your own frustration—a short and simple opening phrase can be your key to quickly resolving issues in the moment.
“By using simple and concise phrases, we can avoid lengthy arguments or debates with our children that can escalate emotions and lead to negative outcomes,” said psychologist and family intervention specialist Vanessa Kahlon . “One-liners can help us stay calm and collected in stressful situations as they give our children a clear and consistent message.”
Before you say something you’ll regret
We’ve all had those parenting moments where our child was emotional or just annoying and we said something in anger that made everyone feel worse. Once you have a series of one-liners, you can create a pause in the drama, allowing everyone to calm down.
“One-liners can be used to replace certain negative or ineffective parenting responses, such as helping parents avoid the temptation to educate their children, which can lead to boredom, withdrawal, and resistance,” said Kahlon, author of How To . Engage in parenting with confidence . “Furthermore, witticisms can also replace critical or judgmental comments, which can hurt a child’s self-esteem and hurt parent-child relationships.”
- Instead of saying “you’re so lazy,” say “let’s get started” to encourage action. A short reminder phrase like “let’s get started” can also replace whining, which can lead to resentment and defiance, Kahlon said.
- Instead of arguing with your child, say, “I love you too much to argue.”
- Instead of trying to talk your child out of tantrums, encourage them to express themselves by saying, “Let me know when you’re calm so we can talk.”
- Instead of telling them what to do, ask, “Which choice would you like to make, A or B?”
- Instead of shouting “You must listen to me!” say, “Let me know when you’re ready to listen.”
Kahlon said, “Let me know when you’re ready to talk” is a universal quip that many parents can benefit from. It encourages children to express themselves with words, regulate their emotions and solve problems.
“This witticism can be used in a wide variety of situations, such as when the child is upset or frustrated, crying, hitting or kicking,” she said.
Parenting coach Cecilia Hilkie , who advocates for peaceful parenting and non-violent communication, wrote about how she looked for wisecracks to replace threats with punishment or bribery with rewards. She took advice from parenting books and wrote it down on a 3×5 index card to refer to in the heat of the moment.
Here are a few more wisecracks to help you and your child calm down a bit:
- “Take a deep breath.” This will help both of you regulate your emotions so that communication is more effective.
- “It’s difficult.” This confirms their feelings and is a signal that you are listening and ready to support them.
- “We all make mistakes.”
- “All your feelings are fine.”
- “I feel depressed. I’m going to take a break for five minutes.” This will let the kids know that you have emotions too and you need to calm down just like they do.
- “How can we solve this?” involves the child in the process of problem solving.
Write your own one-liners for parents
Try Kahlon’s steps to come up with your own effective one-liners:
- Identify common frustrating situations. “Think about situations that typically cause conflict or stress in your family.” Kahlon said. “For example, while eating, sleeping, or playing, your child may need directions or reminders.”
- Be more simple. “One-liners should be short and easy to remember. Aim for phrases that are five words or less.”
- Be positive. “Focus on what your child should be doing, not on what they shouldn’t be doing.” For example, instead of “don’t run,” say “please go.”
- Customize for your child. “Consider your child’s personality and unique challenges when creating one-liners. For example, if your child tends to interrupt, a one-line phrase like “wait your turn” might be helpful. Ask the child what phrase he wants to hear.
- Get creative. “Don’t be afraid to have fun and get creative with your one-liners. Using playful language or incorporating your child’s interests can make them more memorable and enjoyable for your child.”
Once your kids get used to your usual one-liners, they will become like code phrases. You don’t need to confuse them with a long discussion – be brief and they will understand what you mean.
“Ultimately, using wit can help us stay calm and model effective communication skills for our children, leading to better parenting outcomes,” Kahlon said.