The Antisocial Parent’s Guide to Avoiding Other Parents
There’s a million things they don’t tell you about having a baby – how heartbreaking it is when you realize they’ll never be babies again, how much vomit is involved – and they certainly don’t tell you. how often you will have to interact with other parents. It may not be the most important thing on the list, but it’s a big life change: you’re moving from being able to choose who you hang out with to regularly hanging out with people you have nothing in common with other than being the parent of about one and the same. time. And unlike the people you interact with at work, no one even pays you.
According to Kelly Bos, MSW, RSW, social worker, psychotherapist and co-host of Talk Therapy Pod, “Communication gives us the opportunity to normalize age and stages with other parents who are experiencing this.” And while I have no doubt about it, what if you basically want to be left alone? What if you’re all set to “normalize ages and stages”, are you antisocial, or do you have an undeserved sense of superiority like me?
There are plenty of tips on how to make friends with other parents, such as this New York Times article , but if you already have enough goddamn friends and want to avoid other parents as much as possible, then there are few such tips. available resources. Here are some tips.
Ask your spouse to intervene
My wife truly loves other people. She looks at a room full of strangers and thinks yes! before diving in and talking to them with openness, curiosity and warmth. She knows all the other parents, volunteers at the school, organizes things, and meets other parents for coffee, just for fun.
I’m pretty sure one of my kid’s friends is called Kevin.
We’re a good match, but if you’re lucky enough to have a parenting partner of any kind, you can find ways to share the emotional labor of having to talk to other parents.
Empathize with other anti-social parents
Overly outgoing types monopolize attention, but most parents are probably thinking, “Oh my god, is this shit again?” Same as you. Once I had to take my child to a fifth birthday party at a ball stadium or a slaughterhouse or whatever, and I ended up sitting in the parent pen with another mom. After an hour of silence on our phones, boredom won out and we started talking. It turned out that she did not like the awkward forced interaction with other parents as much as I did. We had an interesting conversation where we didn’t tell each other what great kids we had, and when the party ended thankfully, we didn’t exchange numbers and never spoke again. It was wonderful and a testament to the fact that many parents feel the same way as you.
Smoke if you smoke
In the liberal urban bubble I live in, the ultimate “just leave me alone” option for parents is smoking. Lighting up a Marlboro as soon as your child leaves the house during morning drop-off puts 90% of parents away immediately and permanently. Once your reputation as a “smoking parent” is established, you will no longer need to arrange get-togethers for games.
You probably shouldn’t actually be doing this though. I read somewhere that smoking causes cancer or something like that. More importantly, if you care about your child, you cannot completely alienate other parents. You must find a middle ground that is acceptable to you but that doesn’t turn your child into a preschool outcast.
Fake it for as long as you can stand
Like so much about parenthood, interacting with other parents is a sacrifice you make. I don’t like meeting people, but that’s not about me. I could easily homeschool my child and stay within my well-armed compound, but my son is figuring out how to navigate peer relationships and until he’s old enough to ride the bus, I have to make that possible. So I force myself. I make moves. I take it to children’s parties or birthdays when my wife is busy and have fun chatting about sports or the weather when necessary. I might tacitly wish I were somewhere else, but I’m being friendly to Chuck E. Cheese because I hope they put me in a nice nursing home later.
Donate money to avoid joining the committee
It is possible to facilitate your child’s social development as well as protect your isolation if you can recognize which activities are beneficial for children and which are more for parents who really want to spend time with each other. Basically: don’t join the parent committee. Bring your child to birthday parties and play dates, but don’t participate in anything.
If your children’s school has a fundraiser (and your children’s school will have fundraisers), donate things or give some money, but don’t volunteer. There are many parents who like this kind of thing and will send you an email about it. Don’t ruin their parade by taking a seat.
Don’t Become a “Room Parent”: That Kind-hearted Type A Who Organizes a Teacher’s Day Gift and Cupcake Schedule. Instead, be the person who gives in class. Send your child to school with cleaning wipes and wipes and be prepared to write a check. It might cost a little more, but money well spent if you want to make a difference while being antisocial.
And an important final note: never attend any “adults only” activities associated with your child’s school. You don’t want to show up at a fundraising auction with an open bar. It’s not beautiful.