A Guide to Quiet Secret Sex When You’re Home for the Holidays

If you are driving home for the holidays with your partner, you may think that your sex life needs to be put on hold. After all, you’ll probably be crammed into a guest room – or your childhood bedroom – right next to your parents’ room, and sex can be loud for a variety of reasons. But what if your sex life doesn’t have to get cold as the weather outside, even if your parents are sleeping next door? The solution is quite simple – have sex quietly.

“Recent searches for the term ‘silent sex’ worldwide show a 156% increase over the past 30 days, demonstrating that this is a common problem,” says sex and relationship expert Charlotte Johnson of Mega Pleasure . “In fact, quiet sex can sometimes be much more intimate and exciting for those involved, as it becomes a secret in itself and something that only you and your partner can enjoy.”

Sex experts share below their top tips on the best way to have sex safely at home during the holidays.

Choose clothes wisely

According to Lovehoney sex educator expert Javey Fray-Nekrasova , the first thing to think about is the outfit.

“I always recommend wearing a dress or skirt if you’re going to be doing something at a party or event,” she says. “It’s also helpful to wear cut-out panties or underwear for speed.”

In this case, a good position for silence, according to Frei-Nekrasova, would be sitting on your knees. “This is when one person sits on a chair or on the edge of the bed, and the other sits on his lap, and both look in the same direction, outward,” she describes. “The partner on top will use their partner’s legs or the edge of a chair as leverage to add some movement to the sex.”

Location is everything

Before accomplishing a feat, Fray-Nekrasova recommends choosing the room that is the most remote from the bulk of the people. “If you decide to use the bath, always choose a full bath rather than a half bath so you have a little more space,” she says. Another tip? Use various items in the bathroom to silence. “Having sex on a bath mat (whether on your knees or just standing up) can help minimize any sound. Hand towels and washcloths can be used as a gag to silence noisy partners,” she adds.

The bathroom is also the perfect place to have sex in the shower, which Johnson notes helps reduce any noises during sex that could indicate signs like bed squeaking or bumps. “Most of the time, the noise coming from the shower pump/boiler, along with running water, rules out any noise of sexual activity,” she says, adding that sex in the shower is known to help “increase sexual pleasure, increase lubrication and intimacy.”

Car sex is another easy alternative for couples. “The car is located somewhere far from home and therefore away from friends or family that you may have during the holiday period,” says Johnson. “By making sure the car you’re having sex in is privately owned and not visible to others, car sex can be the perfect method to try.”

Create your own sexual cues

Chances are you’ll be spending a lot of time with your family members during the holidays, whether you’re watching movies or having dinner together. So, how do you discreetly let your partner know about your “Now I’m Horny” sign? Frei-Nekrasova recommends venturing into a secret move, like pulling your ear or pulling your hair back into a ponytail, as a coded way to tell your partner it’s time.

“You can also send them a secret emoji,” she suggests. “You’ll want to choose a discreet emoji in case anyone sees your posts. You must warn your partner. Don’t drag them into your kid’s bedroom and try to start something unless it’s been discussed before, because the nerves of being in your parents’ house can get on people.”

Another way to keep your sex life under wraps is to get used to small lies for good, like coming up with a mini-emergency that you and your partner should discuss in private. The key, according to Fray-Nekrasova, is to provide enough information so that your family doesn’t get overly curious, but enough details that they say, “Oh, yes, you should look into this now.”

Sex positions to try

According to Johnson, the following sex positions are the most “quiet” positions to use whenever and wherever you decide to have sex. “Also, practicing slower sex can be the perfect way to have sex at home much quieter than usual,” she recommends. “Slowing down the pace of your sex, along with practicing oral rather than full intercourse, allows for a lot less movement and therefore less sound.”

Lotus position

“This sex position requires one partner to sit cross-legged on the floor while the other partner sits on top. This position is based on the up and down movement of the hips and reduces any loud or sudden movements of the legs or arms. It may also allow for more kissing and thrusting due to blocking movement, which reduces noise levels.”

Sideways 69

“The 69 sex position is an oral sex position and is widely known for being a bit quieter than others. Doing this position but lying on your side will reduce further movement and can be the perfect position for relaxed sex. 69 entails a head to toe pose performing oral sex on each other.”


“The missionary sex position is a very common position, but it is also very effective for staying as quiet as possible. Most of the control is given to the partner from above, and the pace can be slowed down at will. This sex position is easy to try and usually pleasurable.”


“This pose is similar to missionary, but this time lying down and upside down. This special position is very quiet, but also very comfortable. Spooning is a very sexy position as the hugging technique ensures maximum intimacy for both participants.”

slow doggy

“However, as with traditional canine style, loud sounds are suppressed much more slowly. In this case, one partner leans, and the other behind. Doggystyle is a common G-spot position for women, and a great way to keep both partners strong and in complete control of any movement.”

What to do if you are caught red-handed

With all the fuss about visiting family, it’s entirely possible that your parents might have caught you at the scene of the crime. So how do you deal with the inevitable awkwardness and embarrassment? Fray-Nekrasova says that this can be dealt with in two ways. “Either admit it or start a sex conversation with your family to help normalize sex and show you are an adult,” she suggests. “Or you can deny, deny, deny. Whatever you do, you and your partner can come up with a story ahead of time in case you get caught.”

Johnson thinks it’s best to try not to make too much noise out of it, “because that way you’re hinting at something you’re doing wrong when it’s really not, it just sometimes feels like it’s not needed at the moment. However, she suggests getting dressed and assessing the situation with pride but respect. “Maybe apologize that they had to catch you having sex, but don’t dwell on the situation and try to bring the conversation back to normal.”


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