How to Know If You’re Wearing “Winter Coat” This Holiday Season
The holiday season is ripe for nostalgia, so it’s no wonder you might get a message from a curious ex around this time. Innocent text is one thing, but if an ex comes back into your life wanting to rekindle something as soon as the nights get a little colder, you may be falling victim to the latest dating trend called “winter cover”.
“Winter covering is when a former partner or lover from your past tries to rekindle your romance for the winter months in an attempt to avoid loneliness and other heavy feelings,” says Minaa B., one of eharmony’s relationship experts .
Think of it this way: you grab your trusty parka when it gets cold outside; however, as soon as it starts to heat up, you throw it away because you don’t need it anymore. Beautiful, is not it? While winter coverage follows other nasty dating trends like handcuffs and snow globes , the reappearance of an ex during the holidays makes sense.
“Breaking up is hard, so remembering an ex — even if you were the one who initiated the breakup — is normal,” B says. for love, family and companionship, and if you spent the previous holidays with your ex without having him around for this new season. it can be difficult as you adjust to not having them around and you may have to explain to your family why your ex is not around this year.”
The emotionally heavy season and seasonal affective disorder factor explains why people tend to feel more alone in winter. Dating an ex also seems more attractive to most, especially if you’re feeling down. However, this does not mean that you should immediately run back to your ex. If your ex is back this winter with all things warm and fluffy, here’s what to consider before replying to this message.
Be clear about your intentions
It doesn’t matter who you’re dating — whether it’s an ex or a new partner — B says it’s important to date with clear intentions, “and when you break up with someone, there’s a reason you made such a difficult decision.”
If an ex reappears and tries to reconnect, she recommends asking yourself: What has changed? What will be different now from what it was before? Is the reason you broke up still an active issue and has their behavior changed?
Another important question to ask yourself, according to B., is: “Am I getting back with my ex because it’s the easiest way to deal with my sadness, not deal with it?” “Breakups are hard on the heart and when they happen it’s natural for people to look for quick ways to ease their pain and they assume that getting back with their ex is what they need when in reality they need to mourn their relationship. loss, deal with grief over the end of their relationship, and move forward.”
What to do if you decide to answer the SMS / call
So, your ex has texted you and wants to continue the conversation. Before you get overwhelmed by your feelings and visions of campfire comfort, B. recommends asking them the following questions:
- What will be different this time?
- Do you understand why we broke up and what needs to change so we can try again?
- Why should we try to do it again?
- What are your intentions? What changes have you made that will help us move forward?
By asking these questions, you will both be on the same wavelength after the jump and will know exactly where you are and what to expect from the reunion.
Signs Your Ex Is “Winter Coating You”
Even if you’re asking all the right questions and have the best of intentions, your ex may still be hibernating with you, perhaps without even realizing it. To make sure that their reunion is legal, B. advises paying attention to the distance in time. “If you and your ex broke up in January and didn’t talk for a year, and then they reappear the week before Thanksgiving to ask how you are doing and how you are planning to spend the holidays, this could be a clear sign of their motive. may be about coping with their holiday loneliness rather than genuinely reconnecting with you,” she explains.
She also advises paying attention to exes who show up during the holidays and mention gifts they hope to receive or share with you. “Most likely, they are looking for you to buy them something under the pretext of a reunion. Other signs to look out for are if your ex asks you to show up at family gatherings even if you’re not together anymore, or only mentions dating on holidays and not New Year’s.
Decide what you want
While B says it’s possible to make things work a second time with an ex, it also means something has changed that will allow you and your ex to make it work. “The issue that led to your breakup needs to be addressed and resolved first to feel like you can move forward,” she says. “You also want to make sure your ex is committed to staying even after the holidays to make sure it’s not just a winter cover situation.” So when your ex comes back, he recommends being firm within your boundaries and deciding what you’re willing to do and what you’re not.
“Also, be brave enough to get the clarity and ask the questions you need to make sure this reunion comes from genuine interest and a desire to get back together,” she says. “If you decide to shed your winter coat and walk away from the relationship once and for all, reconnect with yourself and figure out what you need and want before you start dating again.”