How to Fool Your Family With Store-Bought Pie Crust
The holiday season is the perfect time to lie to your family. Whether it’s “no gifts this year” or giving everyone an extra slice of “low-fat” cheesecake, I know you have your reasons. Now we have something to say to your annoying pastry chef cousin: “This crust is from scratch.” Here’s how to manipulate store-bought pie crust so you can effectively fool your family into thinking you have baking skills.
The best liars believe their lies, but to enjoy a successful deception, you must invest in your deception by going all-in. That means a good story and relevant details in the right places. We are talking about taste, baking form and shape. A store-bought pie shell is a great way to lighten the load on your baking days, but it’s almost a must for people who struggle with baking. There are many famous brands and some of them are terrible. Luckily, I’ve done the hard work for you and tested some store-bought pie pans that taste good and bake well. Choose one that’s already rolled up and mounted on a 9″ aluminum plate, and a deep plate is even better.
Once you’ve brought your chosen pie shell home, place it in the freezer for 10-20 minutes. For the next part, it should be pretty solid because it’s time to create the perfect disguise. An aluminum pie pan means you don’t have to roll out the dough, but it’s a win-win. Once the crust has hardened, loosen the edges and start removing the aluminum mold. The edges are stamped, which is usually annoying, but as soon as you release them, the rest of the plate pops out immediately. Place the bare crust in a glass, ceramic, or metal pie dish of the same (or nearly the same) size. Leave the cake pan at room temperature or in a slightly warm place for about 30 minutes to warm through. (I left mine in the microwave over the stove and turned on the stove light because it gets pretty hot in there.)
Once your crust is warm enough to be soft and pliable, make sure it fits completely into the mold; press the dough with your fingertips from the center, moving outward, essentially stretching the dough to close any gaps. Now there’s only one thing left to do: get rid of that perfect machine-compressed edge.
Squash the edges of the pie crust with your fingers to smooth out any patterns it had from the factory. This will also heat up the fats in the crust to make it more pliable. Once you’ve erased their marks, make your own. May I suggest the old fashioned way? Simply press the tines of the fork on all sides, or squeeze your index finger, pressing it into the wedge-shaped space of the thumb and forefinger of the other hand. Don’t strive to be perfect; a slight mismatch will make it look handmade. Fill and bake as directed or chill in the freezer for future use. When your cousin asks what recipe you used, just say you got it from Lifehacker. Very simple. It’s true what they say: it gets easier every time. Pie formation, that is.